I just got a call back from Dr. Rassam's office. He said to tell me that my loss of smell is likely from the Taxol and won't necessarily ever come back. Oh, and that, "we'll continue to watch it". What is there to watch? It is gone. Gone. Not desensitized, etc. With a few exceptions I haven't smelled anything at all for days. During the exceptions I had very brief moments of smelling something, then it was gone as fast as it returned. Thankfully the last thing I smelled was Naomi's sweet baby head. I'm so glad I got to smell her once more, no matter how it ends. But I've already forgotten the smell. I remember the moment but can't recall the scent.
God can redeem me from this, too. I'm not going to get all bent out of shape about it (I type as I wipe away those stupid tears that tend to betray me). It makes me wonder more if I should quit chemo though. I mistyped the other day when I said there were 6 more rounds--there are really 7. My taste is barely here, will it be completely gone if I keep getting the drugs? If I believe God healed me is it a lack of faith to continue with the drugs? Or is it foolish to go against my doctor's advice? ARGH!!!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
Originally this post had a request for people's input right here. I think I've made the decision now though so more info would probably burst my brain. Thanks for the input I got though, and I'll post my decision soon.
"Even to your old age and gray hairs...I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you." Isaiah 46:4
When I heard you were completely healed, my mouth literally dropped to the floor. I always wondered why you would continue poisoning your body once you got word that you were miraculously healed and not a single sign of cancer was found anywhere.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you already looked at it this way, but remember all of the doctors who had absolutely no faith that you would survive? You were given a death sentence and then you were healed. That goes to show that the doctors don't always know what is best or what will happen.
I admit when you proclaimed that you would be healed, I didn't have faith and honestly thought you were a little crazy. ;)
But your story and continuous faith has made me look at my faith in a whole new light. I'm still struggling but I'm trying to work on it.
If it were me in your shoes, I would stop treatment especially if it was damaging my body. I wish you the best in your decision and will continue to pray for you always! Have the faith you had weeks ago when you learned that you were healed!
God has been with you in this boat the whole way. His love is eternal. Obviously you know that. He will continue to help and provide peace and joy,it pleases Him that your Faith and Hope stay true to him eternally ,just as his promise of presence in your life endures thru thick and thin, forever.
ReplyDeleteLTC, Uncle Jamison
When I was receiving Taxol, I lost my sense of taste. Everything smelled as it should, but food tasted like nothing. Yes, I smelled apple pie, and it made my mouth water, but it tasted like cardboard. How frustrating! I think that was my least-favorite side effect! I tell you that to let you know that I thankfully regained my sense of taste...so hopefully your "smeller" will be working fine soon, too.
ReplyDeleteErin, my heart broke at the thought that you couldn't remember Naomi's sweet baby smell, and then I realized I can't remember any of my sweet babies' smells either... Though you've lost that prematurely, I am sure in Heaven our sense of smell will work beautifully and we'll joyfully remember our sweet babies.
ReplyDeleteErin, I send you an email
ReplyDeleteErin, I agree with Melissa, for the most part. I don't understand WHY the doctor would recommend radical chemotherapy, if the cancer had all but disappeared from your body? I would understand nutritional supplements and/or tamoxifen (I think that is the name,) the drug that helps keep cancer from returning. I just don't understand why your oncologist would continue on with the poisoning of your system through chemo. Your reasons for accepting it are more complicated, I'm sure. I will pray for wisdom for you and Yaacov, as you deal with this trial. There has been SO much to PRAISE THE LORD for since November. It is my belief that you should LIVE YOUR HEALING. . . not as if nothing miraculous has happened. But this is coming from a woman who has never been in your shoes. Just pray for guidance, Erin! Jesus Loves You!
ReplyDeleteHi Erin
ReplyDeleteHere i am, the stranger with a comment again. i completely understand your dilemma, we have been there. i've spoken with others who've been there. There truly is a Biblical argument to listen to "authority," but also the argument that the LORD is our authority and we need to follow PEACE. In our case i went along with docs even though I BELIEVED my son was healed. My husband however did not, nor did docs. i know others who went against docs advice and were healed. i have no doubt the LORD will give you wisdom. i have learned to Pray and Follow PEACE!!! The Lord will bless you with Peace and even take your Peace away to lead and guide you. If you are losing your peace more and more with cont. treatment than that may be a good indicator. HE LOVES you and it only makes sense HE wants what is best for you! From afar it sounds like maybe HE is leading you... As you know James says that HE gives wisdom generously to ALL without finding fault... so HE will cont. to do so and finish the good work He has begun!!!!! i just want to mention that i suffered terribly after my son was healed (with condemnation) feeling terrible for all those who weren't and wondering why. Survivors guilt is real, and can really rear it's ugly head as time goes by. i was inspired to write about it yesterday if you have any interest in reading.
I wish you God's speed with Healing and Total Complete Recovery. Certainly cancer and Olfactory Nerve function are all UNDER the Mighty Name of JESUS Our Healer.
May All You Do Be Blessed
love to you and your family
www.caringbridge.org/visit/blasebyrd
Thanks so much for everyone's comments and emails. I made a decision and will blog about it soon. I'll also try to respond directly to people.
ReplyDelete