Chemo...blah blah...God...blah blah...

I had my fifth Taxol treatment last week. It wasn't bad but I've officially lost my sense of smell. I barely have any taste left but can tell if something is salty and one more sensation I can't exactly label. Close to bitter but not exactly. The smell thing is really weird and I don't know when it left because I've been sick and assumed it was from congestion. I'm still sick but have moments of breathng freely and there isn't even one iota of a scent, no matter how strong.

I hope everything improves after chemo is done, but if it's just temporary it isn't a big deal. This is Yaacov's busy time of year so he's already been gone for two weeks lately, and has two more trips coming up. I'm slightly concerned about the dangers of not smelling fire, etc. while he's gone but I'll just pray a lot.

I had an awesome experience the other day but won't be able to describe it well. I had been in a deep, deep fog lately and it was painful just trying to form a thought. It interfered with my sleep so I tossed, turned and barely dozed through the nights. The only emotions I could feel were bad ones (sadness, fear, anger), so it made it particularly difficult to tell people about all the good healing news. I thought it was that "chemo-brain" people talk about but was feeling so negative it seemed like I would never get back out of it. Anyway, I took a bath to relax and was reading this book on healing on Thursday, and as I was reading and semi-praying about the author's awesome story the fog lifted! I could truly feel it go, and immediately knew I would be able to sleep. I pratically ran to bed and passed right out.

I'm so glad this fog is gone, and it hasn't returned. I'm still physically ill but it's so much better without the mental issue that was bringing me down. I'm back!

I've been limiting my schedule a bit to get more relaxing in, but I'm praying about whether that's enough. I don't know what else to really do but it seems like I'm sick so much that I'll never get through the next 6 weeks without a change. In the meantime I'll pray to figure out what changes to make and about whatever God is trying to tell me through these interesting spiritual encounters. There's something big going on there but it's in such an infancy that I can't even describe it.

Isaiah 58:11 "The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."