My faith is weak right now. All around me I see heartache and sorrow among the people of faith. We all need to see Him move. To be reminded of His mightiness. Of His faithfulness. In the meantime we can remember what He's done, but it's not enough. We need more. We will claim His promises and wait with urgent expectation for them to be fulfilled.
Jeremiah 33:3, " Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
I can't tell you the passion I feel for this desire to see Him move. He still answers little prayers, which I know are faith-builders for the big ones, but He has filled me with a yearning for more. I have prayed with faith for the healing of so many lately, and we have not seen them healed. Yet. It is not about me, I know that. But it is about Him. His word says He will not let His people be put to shame. So...where are the miracles? I don't even care if it's healing that we see, I just want to see something. And I know others do too. It is time.
"Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I." Isaiah 58:9
Sometimes people pray for things like this for selfish reasons, but I don't think mine are. It's not that I don't believe He can work, or will work. It's not that I even have a specific prayer that I'm pouting about Him not answering. It's that people think they have so little hope. It's hard to convince them otherwise. And it's not just nonbelievers, who don't know better. Every time He doesn't answer a prayer that we offer in faith it's like it puts a notch in the limb we've put ourselves out on. He knows that. He will move before the branch breaks...won't He?
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24
Hebrews 11:6 says "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.". I am earnestly seeking Him and begging for the reward of seeing Him do something big. Only God is sovereign, and only He decides what "reward" it is that I will get, but I'm not going to stop asking. He has blessed me abundantly, but Abraham set a great example of asking boldly for more and more grace when He asked God to spare Sodom for the sake of a few (Gen 18:22-32).
I have a long list of people who are very sick that I'm praying for. Please consider adding them to your prayer list too, and I will post updates about the amazing ways God responds.
First, there is a woman named Barbara with precious, young, grandchildren who was told she likely has extensive cancer in her abdomen and lots of organs. Last I knew she was hospitalized for the pain and things were not looking good. Next, there is a young lady named Jackie who is unmarried and always wanted a family, etc. She was just diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and they started her on chemo while in the hospital. She is healthy, not a smoker or anything like that. Another is a man named Ryan, whose wife posted a note on here and is praying for his miraculous healing from Stage 4 stomach cancer. He was diagnosed last year, when his daughter was born. He is currently in a lot of pain and has a scan on Monday. They have a blog you can follow at http://watersfamilyforum.blogspot.com/. Lastly for the new ones, I can't believe I didn't post this sooner, but my little niece, Nora, has a tentative diagnosis of craniosyntosis, which means her soft spot closed up too early. It's a huge deal because if that's what it is they need to open her skull before her brain grows to be too big for it's space. They found out on the one-year anniversary of their house burning down! Satan will do anything to destroy us! Anyway, she has a consultation with a surgeon on Monday.
Please always keep praying for Debora P.'s healing, and Alison A., Jessica H., and my continued cancer-free health.
Two late praises are that: My friend Kristy, who has been struggling with lyme's disease for a very long time seems to have been healed. When I saw her she was claiming His victory over the enemy's apparent dominion in her body! Also, Alison had some symptoms of returning cancer a few weeks ago but a scan showed no cancer! He is definitely at work in all of us!
Psalm 50:15 “Sacrifice thank offerings to God,
fulfill your vows to the Most High,
15 and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
One-Year Anniversary of Healing
It's been a year. A glorious year. A year with much less doubt and much more faith. A year of my being a better person, mother, wife, daughter, friend, and Christian because of my increased faith. A year without much fear, which I didn't even know I struggled with before my diagnosis.
I just read the blog I posted last February 2. I wrote it right after Dr. Rassam said those life-altering words--"It's gone, your cancer is all gone! I can't explain it. I've never seen anything like it!" Words that changed everything. Words that shouldn't have changed anything.
Nothing changed that day besides my understanding of who God is. He was always Good and that is still true. He performs huge miracles every day, but we don't all see them or remember to praise Him for them. He also allows sad things to happen, for our well-being and the good of mankind, but we are quick to assign blame and remember His role in that.
He is at work in all our lives. Sometimes we're more aware than others. As long as we're living there is still time to change our ways and turn to Him, but sometimes it's harder to hear that call. I learned a bit about leprosy from biblical days the other day and was surprised to discover I had experienced similar sensations during chemo. That leprosy differed than the more current understanding. The biggest thing is that people lost sensitivity in their bodies but didn't notice until something that should have caused noteworthy sensation didn't. Like they might have cut themselves or gotten hot water on themselves but couldn't feel it.
That leprosy happened to many, many people in the Bible until Elisha healed one person of it and later Jesus and the disciples healed many. It was such a clear parallel to the way our hearts are within us now. We slowly accept worldly values and become desensitized to sin until we're so immersed in it we don't even notice. But there's healing available for all of us. Sometimes crazy things like a girl being healed of cancer opens strikes a chord and jerks our heads back to where they should be (looking up at God). Sometimes God uses other things to get our attention. I pray that we all will remember the things that He does to slough off the dead parts of us before it is too late. I don't want others to have to go through horrendous experiences just to get re-focused. But most importantly, I don't want any of us to miss the lessons from our experiences and spend an eternity regretting it.
"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him." Nahum 1:7
I just read the blog I posted last February 2. I wrote it right after Dr. Rassam said those life-altering words--"It's gone, your cancer is all gone! I can't explain it. I've never seen anything like it!" Words that changed everything. Words that shouldn't have changed anything.
Nothing changed that day besides my understanding of who God is. He was always Good and that is still true. He performs huge miracles every day, but we don't all see them or remember to praise Him for them. He also allows sad things to happen, for our well-being and the good of mankind, but we are quick to assign blame and remember His role in that.
He is at work in all our lives. Sometimes we're more aware than others. As long as we're living there is still time to change our ways and turn to Him, but sometimes it's harder to hear that call. I learned a bit about leprosy from biblical days the other day and was surprised to discover I had experienced similar sensations during chemo. That leprosy differed than the more current understanding. The biggest thing is that people lost sensitivity in their bodies but didn't notice until something that should have caused noteworthy sensation didn't. Like they might have cut themselves or gotten hot water on themselves but couldn't feel it.
That leprosy happened to many, many people in the Bible until Elisha healed one person of it and later Jesus and the disciples healed many. It was such a clear parallel to the way our hearts are within us now. We slowly accept worldly values and become desensitized to sin until we're so immersed in it we don't even notice. But there's healing available for all of us. Sometimes crazy things like a girl being healed of cancer opens strikes a chord and jerks our heads back to where they should be (looking up at God). Sometimes God uses other things to get our attention. I pray that we all will remember the things that He does to slough off the dead parts of us before it is too late. I don't want others to have to go through horrendous experiences just to get re-focused. But most importantly, I don't want any of us to miss the lessons from our experiences and spend an eternity regretting it.
"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him." Nahum 1:7
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Limiting God
Some devoted Christians have a hard time handling or believing the fact that I was healed. Or that anyone they know will be healed of something huge. My faith is so much bigger, stronger, and more fulfilling now that I know I've been healed. It is the biggest blessing that could have come out of cancer. I hate the idea that others can't get into that mindset. It changes everything. I know it can be scary to believe in miracles like that, because they don't always happen. And there's no earthly way of us knowing which prayers really will and will not occur. But for me it's worth the risk. Life is so much better on this side.
It's normal to be scared to pray for these miracles, or to explain them away. I was scared to believe I would be healed, because if I was wrong my kids wouldn't understand. Maybe other devoted Christians feel the same now. If I keel over tomorrow, did they lead their sheep astray by having rejoiced that God had healed me? Or, if they dare to believe I was healed how do they explain why their wife's best friend wasn't healed? Finally, if I can be healed because I prayed and believed God, how does that change the way they view and pray to Jesus?
It's normal to be scared to pray for these miracles, or to explain them away. I was scared to believe I would be healed, because if I was wrong my kids wouldn't understand. Maybe other devoted Christians feel the same now. If I keel over tomorrow, did they lead their sheep astray by having rejoiced that God had healed me? Or, if they dare to believe I was healed how do they explain why their wife's best friend wasn't healed? Finally, if I can be healed because I prayed and believed God, how does that change the way they view and pray to Jesus?
I understand fear. We are told time and again not to worry behave out of fear for a reason--it's everywhere. Our society teaches us to be cautious. Our experiences ensure that we will be disappointed if we let our guards down, so we protect ourselves. And our memories repeat the stories we've seen and heard about others being let down.
The thing is, if you can't believe God healed me (just for example, this issue is not literally about me), how can you believe He answers other prayers? Do you set guidelines on how much to ask God for? Like, "Take my sore throat away for long enough to do this presentation", but never, "Lord, I believe you have removed the inoperable tumor from this woman's brain". I think that happens but it shouldn't. A good example is when Abraham walked with God and they spoke about Sodom, he asked boldly for more and more grace regarding His destruction of the city and the people in it (Genesis 18).
If we are going to limit God by what we believe He will do, what kind of faith have we developed? That takes the living trinity out of the mix and basically makes us the god. It turns us into being "spiritual, not religious" like so many lost souls. That is an easier way to live but that doesn't make it right. People might think it helps them avoid disappointment but it actually leads to destruction instead.
Christians are called to pray to Jesus, who intercedes for us. How egotistical of us to limit what we ask Him, what we expect of Him, to piddly little things that could happen by coincidence. How sad it is for our children to learn to word their prayers out of fear of disappointment rather than true faith. The Bible tells stories of suffering, but that doesn't make it the theme of the book. Our duties in this life are to grow closer to God and help others to do the same.
So, in this world where people without faith are empowered to do pretty much anything their hearts desire, I think we should feel empowered too. Not as individuals but as children of Christ. The Lord empowered us all to pray boldly, stand firm in faith and to be courageous. The great commandment tells us to love the Lord with all our heart and mind. We can't love and glorify Him if we're limiting Him with our own expectations (Mth 22:36-37).
1 Corinthians 16:13 Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
Hebrews 4:16 So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Matthew 7:7 "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Terminal Cancer
I can't sleep. I'm having flashbacks of my trip to MD Anderson from last year. I just went back and read the blogs I wrote then (1/9/12) and can't believe how upbeat I sounded compared to how I felt. The Lord really carried me through that awful time. I have thought a lot about it lately because, as I mentioned, my friend Alison went there for a consultation this Jan. 9. I thought it was really weird that out of 365 days, the Lord had her go the exact same day I went the year prior, so it's been on my mind even more. Incidentally, her trip there went well. They didn't offer any great surprises or news but agreed with the treatment she was on and approved of her current doctors, etc.
So, I've been thinking about that trip mostly because I recently realized that was the turning point for me. I had been forced to take in the realities of a terminal diagnosis and whatnot, but that horrendous meeting was the last straw in my precarious, man-made world. I was left so empty. So broken. So hopeless. I had held out so much hope that God would use that trip as a lifeline. I knew He could heal me any way but thought all the signs pointed to it being that way. It was that much more insulting with those hopes to show up there and be treated like garbage. Or, like litter. Garbage matters enough that one picks it up and takes it to a dumpster. Litter is more insignificant, left for the wind to carry off or destroy. I am so thankful that our Lord doesn't see me like that though. That it wasn't the wind, but the Lord God Almighty who lifted me up. And instead of destroying me like I deserved, He carried me through the storm and blessed me like never before.
I am burdened by a new group of terminal cancer patients that I've been learning about. The truth is that the doctors insist they're dying because they are. Technically, anyway. It's not the doctor's faults, it's the result of our fallen world. But as long as I live I will declare that only the Lord can number our days, and that no matter how small the frequency, once in awhile He pulls us out of the fire just in time. So it's not true that everyone dies once it's stage 4. Even if there's just a .000000001 percent survival rate, it's still something. If He did it for me, He can do it for you. Or your friends or loved ones. So, please keep praying for God's miraculous interventions in the lives of all the sick people we know. And keep believing in and expecting those miracles, just like the faithful followers who went before us.
"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12
So, I've been thinking about that trip mostly because I recently realized that was the turning point for me. I had been forced to take in the realities of a terminal diagnosis and whatnot, but that horrendous meeting was the last straw in my precarious, man-made world. I was left so empty. So broken. So hopeless. I had held out so much hope that God would use that trip as a lifeline. I knew He could heal me any way but thought all the signs pointed to it being that way. It was that much more insulting with those hopes to show up there and be treated like garbage. Or, like litter. Garbage matters enough that one picks it up and takes it to a dumpster. Litter is more insignificant, left for the wind to carry off or destroy. I am so thankful that our Lord doesn't see me like that though. That it wasn't the wind, but the Lord God Almighty who lifted me up. And instead of destroying me like I deserved, He carried me through the storm and blessed me like never before.
I am burdened by a new group of terminal cancer patients that I've been learning about. The truth is that the doctors insist they're dying because they are. Technically, anyway. It's not the doctor's faults, it's the result of our fallen world. But as long as I live I will declare that only the Lord can number our days, and that no matter how small the frequency, once in awhile He pulls us out of the fire just in time. So it's not true that everyone dies once it's stage 4. Even if there's just a .000000001 percent survival rate, it's still something. If He did it for me, He can do it for you. Or your friends or loved ones. So, please keep praying for God's miraculous interventions in the lives of all the sick people we know. And keep believing in and expecting those miracles, just like the faithful followers who went before us.
"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Still Recovering...and Upcoming Events
I am definitely still recovering from the DIEP surgery. I have had many moments of regretting the surgery. I don't know if it was too soon or just because I happen to have gotten sick at the same time. Everyone I spent time with at Christmas got sick, so it wasn't just because my immune system was down, but it hit me so hard I keep blaming the surgery. I still feel about 50% of normal.
It is a new year and so far it's been great. I've had no cancer, no surgeries, no chemo or radiation, not even any doctor's visits. Oh, no miraculous healings either. I still can't drive so have been mostly sitting at home playing with the kids. It's been incredibly peaceful and I'm not stir crazy at all. I think the Lord was trying to show me I don't need to be so busy all the time.
So anyway, toward the end of last year I became hesitant to talk about my healing. I just felt burnt out and maybe I wanted to move on. Then on a trip to Gainesville I heard this heart-breaking story on the radio about a young (single) mother with stage 4 cancer. I absolutely lost it. I was almost convulsing with sobs as I drove and thought about it. God used that to motivate me. He reminded me that He has changed my heart--forever--to really care for, pray for, and minister to, people with cancer. It's part of me now and I'm sort of incomplete when I'm not doing it. I began to pray for more opportunities to share the story He blessed me with. Within about 24 hours I had three new opportunities, all of them unexpected. One will be on Easter. I was invited to share my story at a small local church called Mosaic (http://www.mymosaicchurch.com/). The pastor there was my pastor at Chi Alpha that I went to as a grad student and I gave my normal testimony there way back then. It will be different people but still a great "follow-up" to share the more recent news. The next two opportunities will take me completely out of my comfort zone. One will be for the Joanna Francis Living Well Foundation, which is that local group I attend events for. They are having a fashion show as a fundraiser on Valentine's Day and I will be in it. If you know me well you know I would normally hate to walk down a runway while everyone stares at me. But God has a sense of humor. Back when I was at my prettiest (in college), I wouldn't have hated it as much. But now that I'm at my ugliest (not putting myself down, just saying the truth), I have to strut down a runway and act like I think I look like hot stuff. However, I will be able to do it because I am the least focused on outer beauty that I have ever been. Hopefully feeling blessed on the inside will help a lot. It isn't a direct opportunity to share what God did, but anytime I get attention for surviving cancer the story comes out, and I guess this group is one God needs to be glorified around. Finally, on Feb. 23 I will be getting a makeover for the Tallahassee Magazine Top Salon contest. Basically, all these local hair salons each pick a model who they think deserves a makeover, and we get free clothes from Narcissus, free tooth whitening, a nutritionist, short term gym membership, and some other great perks. The contest is supposed to be how the hair salon improves us, but a lot of the judging goes by the model's personal story. I think last year someone made over a homeless person and she won. The winning salon wins advertising in the magazine and money donated in their name to their favorite charity. Haute Headz is doing mine, so if they win the money will go to the Joanna Francis Living Well Foundation. One of the owners of Haute Headz, Darcy Cavell, is a breast cancer survivor so it all goes together.
Other health issues that need prayer:
My friend, Sarah Allen collapsed today and they think it might be appendicitis. Please be praying for her correct diagnosis, perfect healing and easy recovery!
I mentioned Aly from Texas' scans last time and the results came back cancer-free, woohoo!!!!!
January 9: Alison with the rare stomach sarcoma is going to MD Anderson to see an expert. That just happens to be the same exact day I went last year! You all know my awful experience there so please pray that she gets only good news. She has had two clear scans and doesn't need anything to bring her down. Please pray she will see the right doctor/s, ask the right questions, and know what to do in the future. And keep praying she remains permanently cancer-free.
January 11: Debora Passetti fundraiser at Four Oaks. I'm terrified that the turnout won't be big enough. We are only charging $5/ person so we really need a lot of people to show up. Please pray the right people will come and the family and everyone donating time, talents or money is blessed. Her recent scan came back as improved but not clear and I believe she went off chemo (after 21 weeks of it) and onto Arimidex. Please pray those side effects will be minimal and that God will take the rest of the cancer away immediately. And permanently.
January 14: My friend Jessica with the lung cancer has a scan scheduled. Each has been showing improvement but that's not enough. Pray for every last cell to be gone.
Let's pray and believe that 2013 will be the year of healing!!!!!!!!!!
Psalm 103: 15-19, "As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more; And its place acknowledges it no longer. But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children, To those who keep His covenant, And who remember His precepts to do them. The LORD has established His throne in the heavens; And His sovereignty rules over all."
It is a new year and so far it's been great. I've had no cancer, no surgeries, no chemo or radiation, not even any doctor's visits. Oh, no miraculous healings either. I still can't drive so have been mostly sitting at home playing with the kids. It's been incredibly peaceful and I'm not stir crazy at all. I think the Lord was trying to show me I don't need to be so busy all the time.
So anyway, toward the end of last year I became hesitant to talk about my healing. I just felt burnt out and maybe I wanted to move on. Then on a trip to Gainesville I heard this heart-breaking story on the radio about a young (single) mother with stage 4 cancer. I absolutely lost it. I was almost convulsing with sobs as I drove and thought about it. God used that to motivate me. He reminded me that He has changed my heart--forever--to really care for, pray for, and minister to, people with cancer. It's part of me now and I'm sort of incomplete when I'm not doing it. I began to pray for more opportunities to share the story He blessed me with. Within about 24 hours I had three new opportunities, all of them unexpected. One will be on Easter. I was invited to share my story at a small local church called Mosaic (http://www.mymosaicchurch.com/). The pastor there was my pastor at Chi Alpha that I went to as a grad student and I gave my normal testimony there way back then. It will be different people but still a great "follow-up" to share the more recent news. The next two opportunities will take me completely out of my comfort zone. One will be for the Joanna Francis Living Well Foundation, which is that local group I attend events for. They are having a fashion show as a fundraiser on Valentine's Day and I will be in it. If you know me well you know I would normally hate to walk down a runway while everyone stares at me. But God has a sense of humor. Back when I was at my prettiest (in college), I wouldn't have hated it as much. But now that I'm at my ugliest (not putting myself down, just saying the truth), I have to strut down a runway and act like I think I look like hot stuff. However, I will be able to do it because I am the least focused on outer beauty that I have ever been. Hopefully feeling blessed on the inside will help a lot. It isn't a direct opportunity to share what God did, but anytime I get attention for surviving cancer the story comes out, and I guess this group is one God needs to be glorified around. Finally, on Feb. 23 I will be getting a makeover for the Tallahassee Magazine Top Salon contest. Basically, all these local hair salons each pick a model who they think deserves a makeover, and we get free clothes from Narcissus, free tooth whitening, a nutritionist, short term gym membership, and some other great perks. The contest is supposed to be how the hair salon improves us, but a lot of the judging goes by the model's personal story. I think last year someone made over a homeless person and she won. The winning salon wins advertising in the magazine and money donated in their name to their favorite charity. Haute Headz is doing mine, so if they win the money will go to the Joanna Francis Living Well Foundation. One of the owners of Haute Headz, Darcy Cavell, is a breast cancer survivor so it all goes together.
Other health issues that need prayer:
My friend, Sarah Allen collapsed today and they think it might be appendicitis. Please be praying for her correct diagnosis, perfect healing and easy recovery!
I mentioned Aly from Texas' scans last time and the results came back cancer-free, woohoo!!!!!
January 9: Alison with the rare stomach sarcoma is going to MD Anderson to see an expert. That just happens to be the same exact day I went last year! You all know my awful experience there so please pray that she gets only good news. She has had two clear scans and doesn't need anything to bring her down. Please pray she will see the right doctor/s, ask the right questions, and know what to do in the future. And keep praying she remains permanently cancer-free.
January 11: Debora Passetti fundraiser at Four Oaks. I'm terrified that the turnout won't be big enough. We are only charging $5/ person so we really need a lot of people to show up. Please pray the right people will come and the family and everyone donating time, talents or money is blessed. Her recent scan came back as improved but not clear and I believe she went off chemo (after 21 weeks of it) and onto Arimidex. Please pray those side effects will be minimal and that God will take the rest of the cancer away immediately. And permanently.
January 14: My friend Jessica with the lung cancer has a scan scheduled. Each has been showing improvement but that's not enough. Pray for every last cell to be gone.
Let's pray and believe that 2013 will be the year of healing!!!!!!!!!!
Psalm 103: 15-19, "As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more; And its place acknowledges it no longer. But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children, To those who keep His covenant, And who remember His precepts to do them. The LORD has established His throne in the heavens; And His sovereignty rules over all."
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Recovering from DIEP Surgery!
I'm home from Gainesville! The surgery was on Monday and went well. I was surprised by a few things so wanted to blog about it before I forget, so others can be aware. First of all, the most pain I have ever been in is when I woke up from the 8+ hour surgery and my arms burned like crazy. It turns out they are held perfectly still in some awful position throughout the surgery. If you only have one side done, then it's only one arm. The pain meds don't help and you're not allowed to stretch them, which is the only thing that helps. It was so bad I would sneakily stretch when the workers were turned around. They're still sore today, five days later. I heard that the reason the pain meds don't help is that it's nerve pain instead of surgically caused.
I was also very, very swollen from all the IV-fluid. My fingers looked like juice was about to burst out of them. That took two days to get back to normal. The last bad surprise is that I was not allowed to use my pectoral muscles at all once I could start using around. Not to brace myself when sitting up, to keep balance, etc. It's hard to do that when your ab muscles have recently been removed then replaced into their cavity and only a binder is holding them in place. So the first day they had me move around was really, really hard. But I got the hang of it quickly.
The good surprise is that the nurses told me the recovery from this surgery is considered excruciating and they'd never seen anyone do so well with it. I'm pretty much fine. I feel like I had the surgery, and the 4 drains hanging from my body are very annoying. But I don't feel much worse than I have after any other surgery, or like I did after 6 months of chemo. I stopped taking my pain meds more than 24 hours ago and am still managing.
My discharge note says not to lift more than 5 pounds or drive for 6 weeks. That has already been hard so I'm not sure how it will work. So far when Naomi needs something someone else has been around to help, or a few times I've let her climb on my back and I lift her that way. But it's all going to get harder after the holidays when no one is around anymore, so please join me in prayer about that. I have a follow-up appointment on December 27 and hope Dr. Rosenberg will change my instructions at that time.
Anyway, before the surgery I started getting nervous about putting myself at risk for a cosmetic improvement. I prayed about it and God surprised me by filling me with true and complete peace about it. I never got concerned again. He took such great care of me. It shouldn't surprise me after all He's done for me, but I'm still shocked. He is so kind and loving. So gracious and awesome!
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid
.
I was also very, very swollen from all the IV-fluid. My fingers looked like juice was about to burst out of them. That took two days to get back to normal. The last bad surprise is that I was not allowed to use my pectoral muscles at all once I could start using around. Not to brace myself when sitting up, to keep balance, etc. It's hard to do that when your ab muscles have recently been removed then replaced into their cavity and only a binder is holding them in place. So the first day they had me move around was really, really hard. But I got the hang of it quickly.
The good surprise is that the nurses told me the recovery from this surgery is considered excruciating and they'd never seen anyone do so well with it. I'm pretty much fine. I feel like I had the surgery, and the 4 drains hanging from my body are very annoying. But I don't feel much worse than I have after any other surgery, or like I did after 6 months of chemo. I stopped taking my pain meds more than 24 hours ago and am still managing.
My discharge note says not to lift more than 5 pounds or drive for 6 weeks. That has already been hard so I'm not sure how it will work. So far when Naomi needs something someone else has been around to help, or a few times I've let her climb on my back and I lift her that way. But it's all going to get harder after the holidays when no one is around anymore, so please join me in prayer about that. I have a follow-up appointment on December 27 and hope Dr. Rosenberg will change my instructions at that time.
Anyway, before the surgery I started getting nervous about putting myself at risk for a cosmetic improvement. I prayed about it and God surprised me by filling me with true and complete peace about it. I never got concerned again. He took such great care of me. It shouldn't surprise me after all He's done for me, but I'm still shocked. He is so kind and loving. So gracious and awesome!
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid
.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Prayers and Surgery
I've been so very busy lately and can't wait to talk about some of the exciting things going on. But, for now I am just sending an update for special prayers:
Most importantly, Debora Passetti is having a CT scan tomorrow. She is the one with stage 4 breast cancer who's been going through chemo for a long time now. It's in her liver and the previous scans have shown improvement but it was still there. I know she has been working hard on having the confidence to believe she has been healed despite what the doctors say. Some people don't get how hard that is. Maybe you can't really get it until you're in a situation like this. It's terrifying. TERRIFYING. She's been trucking through chemo for 6 months or so. I know she desperately wants tomorrow to be her day. Not just good news, but THE news. God can do it. God WILL do it. Support her as she prays Psalm 25:2, "I trust in you, my God! Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat." My heart races just thinking about it. (As a sidenote, the fundraiser we're throwing for her will be a concert on January 11 at Four Oaks Community Church. Details to come.)
Please, please, pray that the scan shows all the cancer is gone. Pray that it shows her liver is in perfect condition too, not damaged by chemo. Pray that some sort of sign appears so the doctors know that God healed her, not just that the chemo did a good job. And pray that she will have good friends who come along and lift her up, to believe for her when she cannot do it herself.
When God told Moses to lift his arms so the Israelites could win in a battle against the Amalekites, his arms got tired. Whenever he let his arms fall to his sides the enemy started winning again. So his friends held his arms up for him. Together they did what God asked, and God fought for them (Exodus 17:10-13).
Sound familiar? That's what we have to do for our brothers and sisters. People ask me all the time how they can support a loved one who has cancer, and that's the answer. Hold their arms up when they are too weak to do it themselves. Help them to look where they need to go, and point their arms toward the heavens. Push any doubters from their presence so they have an unobstructed view of God's plan. And you know what? If you're one of those doubters, love them enough to stay out of the way. I am convinced that the damage caused by over-information (sharing horror stories, tons of news, scary statistics), gossip, and doubt (in the form of people claiming to be "realistic") is more dangerous than the diseases themselves.
Please also pray for a woman named Laura Squires. She was recently diagnosed with a grade 3 gliobistoma brain tumor. It is apparently inoperable because it is so close to her motor functions. Her left side is paralyzed and she's in rehab, about to start chemo/radiation. I don't know much about her but this is obviously a dire situation and must be extremely scary. Please pray God will just take the tumor out and never lets it return.
Next, Aly, who I have mentioned on here before who is cancer-free after tons of treatment for stage 3 breast cancer, had scary tests done today to identify the cause of abdominal problems she's been having. She's been living in lots of pain and we are praying with her that the cause is nothing serious, easily solved, and very temporary.
Finally, I am having my DIEP reconstruction Monday!!!!! We will leave for Gainesville Sunday, surgery will be about 8 hours on Monday. I am scheduled to be in the hospital until Thursday. Please pray for the surgeon's steady hand and wisdom, a very easy and perfect surgery and for a smooth recovery. It supposedly takes about 6 weeks to fully recover and I'm hoping the pain isn't debilitating as I spend much of my days with Naomi slung over my hip.
Thanks for all the prayers. The sadness I've mentioned lately is mostly gone. Now I'm just thrilled to remember how far God brought me out of that pit. I am so blessed and have a lot of great events coming up. More on those soon.
Psam 118:21, "I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation."
Most importantly, Debora Passetti is having a CT scan tomorrow. She is the one with stage 4 breast cancer who's been going through chemo for a long time now. It's in her liver and the previous scans have shown improvement but it was still there. I know she has been working hard on having the confidence to believe she has been healed despite what the doctors say. Some people don't get how hard that is. Maybe you can't really get it until you're in a situation like this. It's terrifying. TERRIFYING. She's been trucking through chemo for 6 months or so. I know she desperately wants tomorrow to be her day. Not just good news, but THE news. God can do it. God WILL do it. Support her as she prays Psalm 25:2, "I trust in you, my God! Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat." My heart races just thinking about it. (As a sidenote, the fundraiser we're throwing for her will be a concert on January 11 at Four Oaks Community Church. Details to come.)
Please, please, pray that the scan shows all the cancer is gone. Pray that it shows her liver is in perfect condition too, not damaged by chemo. Pray that some sort of sign appears so the doctors know that God healed her, not just that the chemo did a good job. And pray that she will have good friends who come along and lift her up, to believe for her when she cannot do it herself.
When God told Moses to lift his arms so the Israelites could win in a battle against the Amalekites, his arms got tired. Whenever he let his arms fall to his sides the enemy started winning again. So his friends held his arms up for him. Together they did what God asked, and God fought for them (Exodus 17:10-13).
Sound familiar? That's what we have to do for our brothers and sisters. People ask me all the time how they can support a loved one who has cancer, and that's the answer. Hold their arms up when they are too weak to do it themselves. Help them to look where they need to go, and point their arms toward the heavens. Push any doubters from their presence so they have an unobstructed view of God's plan. And you know what? If you're one of those doubters, love them enough to stay out of the way. I am convinced that the damage caused by over-information (sharing horror stories, tons of news, scary statistics), gossip, and doubt (in the form of people claiming to be "realistic") is more dangerous than the diseases themselves.
Please also pray for a woman named Laura Squires. She was recently diagnosed with a grade 3 gliobistoma brain tumor. It is apparently inoperable because it is so close to her motor functions. Her left side is paralyzed and she's in rehab, about to start chemo/radiation. I don't know much about her but this is obviously a dire situation and must be extremely scary. Please pray God will just take the tumor out and never lets it return.
Next, Aly, who I have mentioned on here before who is cancer-free after tons of treatment for stage 3 breast cancer, had scary tests done today to identify the cause of abdominal problems she's been having. She's been living in lots of pain and we are praying with her that the cause is nothing serious, easily solved, and very temporary.
Finally, I am having my DIEP reconstruction Monday!!!!! We will leave for Gainesville Sunday, surgery will be about 8 hours on Monday. I am scheduled to be in the hospital until Thursday. Please pray for the surgeon's steady hand and wisdom, a very easy and perfect surgery and for a smooth recovery. It supposedly takes about 6 weeks to fully recover and I'm hoping the pain isn't debilitating as I spend much of my days with Naomi slung over my hip.
Thanks for all the prayers. The sadness I've mentioned lately is mostly gone. Now I'm just thrilled to remember how far God brought me out of that pit. I am so blessed and have a lot of great events coming up. More on those soon.
Psam 118:21, "I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation."
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