We went to a Third Day concert the other day and there was this awesome singer named Harvest Parker there who stole the show. She told a story about the Moravian missionaries (who were so awesome that this doesn't do them justice, btw) who sold themselves into slavery to reach a group in the West Indies who would not allow preachers or missionaries in. As they were heading out, with no hope to ever return, someone passionately yelled, "May the lamb receive the reward of His suffering", which seems to be a summation of Revelation 5 and is also the summation of our celebration of the resurrection, and of Jesus in general. We are unworthy to receive His sacrifice, but He gave it to us anyway. He did it because He loves us and it's the only way to cleanse us in preparation of eternal life with Him. But our job is not just to receive from Him. It's to glorify Him in all that we do! Here's a link to her song, which is very moving (the one in Tallahassee was even better but I didn't get the whole thing on my phone).
The Lord was already working on my boldness when I heard that, and it was reinforced there. This verse below was also so important to me that I couldn't let it go:
"My eager expectation and hope is that I will not be ashamed about anything, but that now as always, with all boldness, Christ will be highly honored in my body, whether by life or death." Phil 1:20
Lord, do not let us be put to shame. Our faith is weak, our evil desires are strong, and the pull of the world is powerful. But You are mighty. When we are yoked with you we can do all things through you, and we ask that you will show this to your enemies. Do not let our humanness put us to shame, but guide us and go before us so all men see your power through our testimonies.
Our pastor at Four Oaks, Paul Gilbert, said, "if your conscience isn't clear you don't make a good witness". Lord, thank-you for forgiving our sins, for dying on the cross, and for returning from the grave three days later--thereby fulfilling the prophesies and completing the transactions of submitting your righteousness and bearing our sin. By your stripes we are healed, we are fully forgiven, clear our consciences and guide our steps away from the sin we so readily return to. Help us to be bold for you, to be strong and courageous, and to share your love with meaning and truth!
Lord, help us to trust you with our lives, and with our deaths. Help us to recognize that we are not our own, and to earnestly desire to be used for your glory, whether your plan takes us to the cross or to the mall. Help us to be real, living sacrifices for you, and to go wherever you send us, with perfect peace and profound love. Your way is the only way we desire.
Because, "my eager expectation and hope is that I will not be ashamed about anything, but that now as always, with all boldness, Christ will be highly honored in my body, whether by life or death."
Showing posts with label miracles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miracles. Show all posts
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
Healing Day!
We've always celebrated major holidays and birthdays. Yaacov and I started dating and were married in summertime. So why on earth did Groundhog's Day skyrocket to the top of my favorite days' list? It's the anniversary of the day we learned about my healing!!! The third anniversary, in fact! It was such a perfect reminder of the Lord's gracious, precious love for me! And of His love for Yaacov and our girls!
Every thing about that day was perfect. I have goosebumps remembering when I got to call so many people to tell them I was healed. And to think how much I wanted to keep the whole illness a secret at the beginning. I don't even like talking on the phone, but God put it on my heart so I had prayed and begged for such an opportunity. It was hard to keep it together enough to get the words out. And the next day...the next day!!! I went to pick Abi's preschool, all the teachers and staff had heard the news and ran into the hallway to applaud. That was one of the first times anyone had ever clapped for me. It would normally be embarrassing, but it was joyous and precious. How many people have ever gotten a terminal diagnosis that resulted in an entire preschool cheering for God? How many people have ever been worthy of a blessing like that? Only Jesus.
Revelation 5:12 Saying with a loud voice, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!”
Sweet, sweet Jesus. The sinless lamb. The perfect one, who died for my sins and loves me anyway. He intercedes for me and has blessed me more than He was blessed on earth. Sure, He was loved deeply and worshipped, but He was still abandoned and betrayed without just cause. And I complain about a few unanswered prayers.
I spent the day with the girls, reminiscing about the highs and lows. This year felt extra meaningful because Naomi is the age now that Abi was when I was diagnosed. It's like I'm living it again, but with the joy flowing more easily this time around. There are other similarities, too. I remember how Naomi stopped sleeping through the night when I was diagnosed, and every day at 2 am she would cry until I rocked her. She would sleep on my shoulder while I cried. Every night. After cancer I got her to sleep through the night again, but now we are working on nighttime potty training. In the middle of each night I wake her up and carry her on that same shoulder to the bathroom. The conditions now are completely different, but every time she rests her sleepy head on my shoulder for the walk down the hall, all the emotions come flooding back. My cup overflows. My joy is complete.
Psalm 23:5-6
It seems like all my posts lately have been lamenting tragedy and heartache. My foolish flesh observes worldly devastation and wonders aloud where God is. Why He stopped caring. It's written evidence of my own short sighted selfishness. How quick I am to forget! How weak my faith is to wonder. And to wander. He hasn't left us. He doesn't change. He didn't reach His quota of miracles and move on to punishing the world. The same God who healed me is still alive. His word is true. And truth is in the word. Nothing can be added to it, and nothing taken from it.
Ecclesiastes 3:14 I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him.
I'm including pictures this time around. The first is Abi and me when we found out I was healed, 2/2/12. I couldn't find the digital file so it's from our scrapbook:
Every thing about that day was perfect. I have goosebumps remembering when I got to call so many people to tell them I was healed. And to think how much I wanted to keep the whole illness a secret at the beginning. I don't even like talking on the phone, but God put it on my heart so I had prayed and begged for such an opportunity. It was hard to keep it together enough to get the words out. And the next day...the next day!!! I went to pick Abi's preschool, all the teachers and staff had heard the news and ran into the hallway to applaud. That was one of the first times anyone had ever clapped for me. It would normally be embarrassing, but it was joyous and precious. How many people have ever gotten a terminal diagnosis that resulted in an entire preschool cheering for God? How many people have ever been worthy of a blessing like that? Only Jesus.
Revelation 5:12 Saying with a loud voice, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!”
Sweet, sweet Jesus. The sinless lamb. The perfect one, who died for my sins and loves me anyway. He intercedes for me and has blessed me more than He was blessed on earth. Sure, He was loved deeply and worshipped, but He was still abandoned and betrayed without just cause. And I complain about a few unanswered prayers.
I spent the day with the girls, reminiscing about the highs and lows. This year felt extra meaningful because Naomi is the age now that Abi was when I was diagnosed. It's like I'm living it again, but with the joy flowing more easily this time around. There are other similarities, too. I remember how Naomi stopped sleeping through the night when I was diagnosed, and every day at 2 am she would cry until I rocked her. She would sleep on my shoulder while I cried. Every night. After cancer I got her to sleep through the night again, but now we are working on nighttime potty training. In the middle of each night I wake her up and carry her on that same shoulder to the bathroom. The conditions now are completely different, but every time she rests her sleepy head on my shoulder for the walk down the hall, all the emotions come flooding back. My cup overflows. My joy is complete.
Psalm 23:5-6
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Ecclesiastes 3:14 I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him.
I'm including pictures this time around. The first is Abi and me when we found out I was healed, 2/2/12. I couldn't find the digital file so it's from our scrapbook:
We tried to re-create the 2012 pic today so I'm in the same outfit, and Naomi is wearing the shirt Abi had on that day. Clearly there are some other inconsistencies but it's still sweet:
The others are just fun:
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Passover Hope
Naomi turned three last week. THREE! She wasn't even a year old when I was diagnosed with, and then miraculously healed from, stage 4 cancer. Since then she learned to crawl, walk, run and talk. She's so much fun I can't help but smile when I look at her, and the days that I do so with sadness because of what is coming for us are long gone. God has restored our family and allowed us to move on, with a stronger faith and love than we had before it all began. But I will admit that as the time has passed I am farther removed from cancer, and more focused on normal daily struggles. I am giving my testimony next week and realized that is the very first time since it all began that I haven't had another opportunity to do so on my calendar. I have become less of a cancer survivor and more of a woman and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that.
I passionately promised God that I would never forget, never stop bragging about His awesomeness. Not in an attempt to "make a deal" with Him, but because I truly don't want to. I don't want to become the person I was before. To move back to my old definition of hope, which was more like "accept and except that bad things will happen but really want good ones" and back to the biblical definition that I learned, "the urgent expectation" that we all need. That we should all cling to.
I just read about the four different ways the word and concept of hope is used in the Bible. They are all awesome, so check it out here. The most interesting one to me is with Rahab in the Old Testament. In Joshua 2 we saw that Rahab was a prostitute who hid God's men for Him. When they destroyed the city later, they had her hang a scarlet cord out the window to show they should pass over her place. That scarlet cord is a tiqvah, which is actually an unbreakable cord, symbolizing our unbreakable hope in God. And I'm sure it's not coincidence that of course, during passover, God had His people put scarlet blood over their doorposts so the angel of death would pass over those homes...and that Jesus was celebrating the Seder meal from passover during the last supper, when He demonstrated how He would actually bear all our scarlet sins on the cross. And when it comes to judgment, our sins are passed over if we put our hope in Him.
Now that I've so smoothly brought this post about hope around to passover and Easter, I would like to invite all of you locals to a teaching Yaacov is doing about passover on Thursday, April 17 from 6-8 pm at Four Oaks Community Church. It will have elements of a traditional Seder meal that Jesus and the disciples were celebrating for the Last Supper (Lk 22, Mth 26, etc), and he will show how the things He said were explaining how His actions fulfilled the rituals his predecessors hadn't understood. It is always a good time and this one will be shorter than many. You don't have to be a Four Oaks member or have any idea what passover is about to attend. You might be able to see a description here, and if not email me to RSVP or for more info.
1 Peter 1:3-9
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
I passionately promised God that I would never forget, never stop bragging about His awesomeness. Not in an attempt to "make a deal" with Him, but because I truly don't want to. I don't want to become the person I was before. To move back to my old definition of hope, which was more like "accept and except that bad things will happen but really want good ones" and back to the biblical definition that I learned, "the urgent expectation" that we all need. That we should all cling to.
I just read about the four different ways the word and concept of hope is used in the Bible. They are all awesome, so check it out here. The most interesting one to me is with Rahab in the Old Testament. In Joshua 2 we saw that Rahab was a prostitute who hid God's men for Him. When they destroyed the city later, they had her hang a scarlet cord out the window to show they should pass over her place. That scarlet cord is a tiqvah, which is actually an unbreakable cord, symbolizing our unbreakable hope in God. And I'm sure it's not coincidence that of course, during passover, God had His people put scarlet blood over their doorposts so the angel of death would pass over those homes...and that Jesus was celebrating the Seder meal from passover during the last supper, when He demonstrated how He would actually bear all our scarlet sins on the cross. And when it comes to judgment, our sins are passed over if we put our hope in Him.
Now that I've so smoothly brought this post about hope around to passover and Easter, I would like to invite all of you locals to a teaching Yaacov is doing about passover on Thursday, April 17 from 6-8 pm at Four Oaks Community Church. It will have elements of a traditional Seder meal that Jesus and the disciples were celebrating for the Last Supper (Lk 22, Mth 26, etc), and he will show how the things He said were explaining how His actions fulfilled the rituals his predecessors hadn't understood. It is always a good time and this one will be shorter than many. You don't have to be a Four Oaks member or have any idea what passover is about to attend. You might be able to see a description here, and if not email me to RSVP or for more info.
1 Peter 1:3-9
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Friday, January 17, 2014
ANOTHER MIRACLE
I started this post earlier with many, many paragraphs about myself. I was going to lead into how He does these amazing things to bring me out of the selfish state I'm normally in. Took me hours to realize that I'd done it again. Just the idea of talking about myself for a few paragraphs in light of His miracles shows I'm STILL IN THAT SELFISH STATE.
James 3:13-15 "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil."
(Please note that the original post called this stage 4 cancer but I have edited it to describe it better)
So, more importantly than any lessons I'm learning or struggles I face, God is good. Always. He is good in the bad times. Good in the good times. Funny frequently, not sure why the Bible doesn't mention that outright. No matter what, He is. And today, He did it again. It's almost unfathomable and honestly, it was the last thing I expected to hear today. But that's because no matter how "close" I am to the Holy Spirit, I am not THE Holy Spirit, and really have no idea all the awesome things He's doing...and just to be clear, neither do you. I don't care how much intuition you have. It's still intuition, not truth.
Job 11:7 "Can you discover the depths of God? Can you discover the limits of the Almighty?"
(Please note that the original post called this stage 4 cancer but I have edited it to describe it better)
Today, we will rejoice with the rest of our Christian family that Crystal was HEALED of horrendous breast cancer. It was really, really bad. They diagnosed it as stage 3 which is technically curable, but they later said it was all up her spine, which would mean it spread and should have been stage 4. Once it's spread is when it's incurable, but I get the impression that the doctors never changed it to Stage 4. Either way, the treatments she was undergoing weren't working or even tolerable, so it wasn't the medicine that made the cancer disappear. I didn't get every little detail but she flew to Chicago for treatments at CTCA and everything bad happened. She was allergic to even mild treatments, there was an oozing tumor, even after all the strongest chemos and double mastectomy the cancer came back, more aggressive than ever. So they tried to radiate most of her torso just to kill off what they could and it caused crazy vomiting, which was so unusual the doctors thought it had spread to her brain. This Christmas she spent the day vomiting and praying that there wasn't cancer in her brain. But today, January 17, she is praying thanksgiving to the Lord above who healed her entirely. The PET scan showed no cancer at all. Anywhere. Because men can't. But God can...And God did...And God does...And God WILL...
"The Lord has done great things for us...we are glad" Psalm 126:3
A brief update on my friend--she is a friend of MANY in Tallahassee, and gives of herself lavishly for the name of the Lord-- the brain tumor is not cancerous, but it is at the base of her brain stem and she needs immediate brain surgery to get it removed. She's awaiting the schedule so please keep praying. We are thrilled that it is not cancer but brain surgery is a big, big, big deal for mere humans. Not too big for the trinity though.
Philippians 2:13 "For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose."
Please keep praying for Barbara, too. The endometrial cancer attacking her body improved but a mass in her lungs is growing. She is awaiting biopsy results of it today. I'd like to pray that it's just not even cancer and disappears. But no matter how God chooses to heal her, we just pray that He does it for His glory and so Barbara and the whole family can continue to praise His name for many days to come!
Please keep praying for Barbara, too. The endometrial cancer attacking her body improved but a mass in her lungs is growing. She is awaiting biopsy results of it today. I'd like to pray that it's just not even cancer and disappears. But no matter how God chooses to heal her, we just pray that He does it for His glory and so Barbara and the whole family can continue to praise His name for many days to come!
Let's keep praying, He is LISTENING and MOVING! He cares about His people!
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Circumstances
I have found myself in the midst of a war. The very first battle, between good and evil still continues to this day and I was blissfully unaware of much of it until recently. One thing is that I have been called to minister to and pray for sick people, mostly those with cancer, and it sometimes takes a mental toll on me. I start feeling like I'm praying the same words day after day, but just for different people. Like a broken record I pray from necessity rather than from the deep, wounded brokenness that overflows from the soul of an unworthy sinner. So I pray to care more, pray to break more, pray to yearn more. Then the worst thing happens--He answers those prayers. My circumstances change and I care more, ache from the inside out, cry out to the Lord for the ability to even comprehend the evil that surrounds me.
Psalm 34:15-18
"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to blot out their name from the earth. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
I'm so saddened by the circumstances around me, and I am trying not to allow them to interfere with the celebration of the season. We should reflect on the amazing gift of Jesus. He came willingly into the world, and didn't sin. He was the only one who didn't deserve death, but He carried our sins just because He loved us. And He is now the only way to get to heaven. None of that will ever change. Our interpretation, understanding, or circumstances all change, but those truths will stay the same.
Malachi 3:6, "For I am the Lord, I do not change; Therefore you are not consumed O sons of Jacob"
I am supremely excited to tell you that Debora and I will be giving our testimonies on January 16 at Four Oaks Community Church. I've been honored to share it at many other places, but Four Oaks is our church home! I've been praying for and waiting on this opportunity for almost two years now. It will be well worth the wait, because we get to boast about His awesomeness there! If you're in town please come rejoice with us about the amazing God we serve.
I'm going through some really difficult circumstances right now but I have to be vague about all the details. So instead I ask that you join me in praying for protection for my family and the families of all those we've prayed for in the past, that they would increase in faith and peace, and for help in focusing on the Lord. Pray also that the Lord will use us all for His good, and that we would see Him in all things. I have some prayer updates and new requests that I'll put below:
Barbara--We were praying for her clear PET scan. We didn't get that miracle yet, but we will not lose faith. Her liver looks better but it grew in other places, so they are trying to remove some to assess what best destroys it then use those drugs on here. Sounds pretty cool to me. Pray she will have total relief from pain, doctors will treat her properly, and for a complete and miraculous removal of all cancer cells
Sally--PRAISE: A long time ago I talked about her on here. She was diagnosed with stage 4 BC soon after I was, and hers disappeared. It's been over a year without cancer and she had a bad PET scan recently, but HOORAY, the Lord had that disappear and further tests showed it was nothing.
Alison--PRAISE! At her 6 month scan they saw she has been cancer-free for over a year and a half! Glory be to God!!!!
Ryan--He has stage 4 stomach cancer and has been on chemo forever. He has a baby and has battling this for two years. Enough is enough, it's time for this miracle. Let's believe it for them because they are weak, tired, and worn out. We will carry him to the Lord and the Lord will heal him because of our faith (Mark 2:3-5)
Crystal--She and the others below are new on this list. She is young and was suddenly diagnosed with stage 4 BC. It's all over her body and the chemo didn't work so they are radiating most of her torso. They fear it is in her brain and are awaiting a CT scan. Please pray for her comfort and that she will lean on Him, as well as for her family's peace, faith and comfort. Pray in the short run for immediate relief from her vomiting and that her brain scan shows absolutely nothing is wrong, and again for long run total healing.
Marlena--She is young and has already seen the Lord do great things with her diagnosis. There were fears that it had spread but He put those to rest. However, she's undergoing chemo and has had a really hard time recovering from that. Please pray He will strengthen her so she can maintain her role as a mother and that He will make anything she needs to give up or modify very clear.
Jenny--She is a pastor's wife who has had a recurrence of BC. She has a long list of awesome things the Lord has done to show her that He is in charge and is running things smoothly. She will have a bilateral mastectomy on Friday because she already had radiation. Please pray that the surgery goes well and with a smooth recovery and that the doctors have wisdom for all the proper treatment.
Teri--She loves the Lord and her triple negative BC did not spread, which is great. She's going through chemo and trying to stay positive, but it's really hard to work while undergoing treatment and she cannot take much time off. Please pray for her supernatural response to the chemo, that she would stay healthy and not struggle with the normal side effects of the treatment.
Contessa--This is the young mom whose home burned down a few weeks ago. She is doing well and has a new place to stay. We are collecting money for her utility deposit. Please pray she gets everything she needs and draws closer to the Lord through this experience.
Psalm 34:15-18
"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to blot out their name from the earth. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
I'm so saddened by the circumstances around me, and I am trying not to allow them to interfere with the celebration of the season. We should reflect on the amazing gift of Jesus. He came willingly into the world, and didn't sin. He was the only one who didn't deserve death, but He carried our sins just because He loved us. And He is now the only way to get to heaven. None of that will ever change. Our interpretation, understanding, or circumstances all change, but those truths will stay the same.
Malachi 3:6, "For I am the Lord, I do not change; Therefore you are not consumed O sons of Jacob"
I am supremely excited to tell you that Debora and I will be giving our testimonies on January 16 at Four Oaks Community Church. I've been honored to share it at many other places, but Four Oaks is our church home! I've been praying for and waiting on this opportunity for almost two years now. It will be well worth the wait, because we get to boast about His awesomeness there! If you're in town please come rejoice with us about the amazing God we serve.
I'm going through some really difficult circumstances right now but I have to be vague about all the details. So instead I ask that you join me in praying for protection for my family and the families of all those we've prayed for in the past, that they would increase in faith and peace, and for help in focusing on the Lord. Pray also that the Lord will use us all for His good, and that we would see Him in all things. I have some prayer updates and new requests that I'll put below:
Barbara--We were praying for her clear PET scan. We didn't get that miracle yet, but we will not lose faith. Her liver looks better but it grew in other places, so they are trying to remove some to assess what best destroys it then use those drugs on here. Sounds pretty cool to me. Pray she will have total relief from pain, doctors will treat her properly, and for a complete and miraculous removal of all cancer cells
Sally--PRAISE: A long time ago I talked about her on here. She was diagnosed with stage 4 BC soon after I was, and hers disappeared. It's been over a year without cancer and she had a bad PET scan recently, but HOORAY, the Lord had that disappear and further tests showed it was nothing.
Alison--PRAISE! At her 6 month scan they saw she has been cancer-free for over a year and a half! Glory be to God!!!!
Ryan--He has stage 4 stomach cancer and has been on chemo forever. He has a baby and has battling this for two years. Enough is enough, it's time for this miracle. Let's believe it for them because they are weak, tired, and worn out. We will carry him to the Lord and the Lord will heal him because of our faith (Mark 2:3-5)
Crystal--She and the others below are new on this list. She is young and was suddenly diagnosed with stage 4 BC. It's all over her body and the chemo didn't work so they are radiating most of her torso. They fear it is in her brain and are awaiting a CT scan. Please pray for her comfort and that she will lean on Him, as well as for her family's peace, faith and comfort. Pray in the short run for immediate relief from her vomiting and that her brain scan shows absolutely nothing is wrong, and again for long run total healing.
Marlena--She is young and has already seen the Lord do great things with her diagnosis. There were fears that it had spread but He put those to rest. However, she's undergoing chemo and has had a really hard time recovering from that. Please pray He will strengthen her so she can maintain her role as a mother and that He will make anything she needs to give up or modify very clear.
Jenny--She is a pastor's wife who has had a recurrence of BC. She has a long list of awesome things the Lord has done to show her that He is in charge and is running things smoothly. She will have a bilateral mastectomy on Friday because she already had radiation. Please pray that the surgery goes well and with a smooth recovery and that the doctors have wisdom for all the proper treatment.
Teri--She loves the Lord and her triple negative BC did not spread, which is great. She's going through chemo and trying to stay positive, but it's really hard to work while undergoing treatment and she cannot take much time off. Please pray for her supernatural response to the chemo, that she would stay healthy and not struggle with the normal side effects of the treatment.
Contessa--This is the young mom whose home burned down a few weeks ago. She is doing well and has a new place to stay. We are collecting money for her utility deposit. Please pray she gets everything she needs and draws closer to the Lord through this experience.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Surviving
I just saw someone who is dying of cancer. I don't know how much longer she has. I do know she's worn out from fighting, trying, and just surviving. I know she might be content with death at this point, but would probably prefer to be completely healed and have many more healthy, painfree years with her children. I know the longer we fight this disease the less we expect to overcome it. And I know that the longer people see us fighting it, the less it matters to them. The less they pray for miracles and expect them to occur. The more they accept that it's our time to go. And most of all, I know: That Sucks.
These people who struggle for years deserve peace, health, and happiness as much as you do. As much (or as little) as I did. I didn't deserve to be supernaturally healed, I was just chosen for that path. These other people who are still sick could be chosen too. What would happen if God chose them to be healed too, but no one bothered to pray and believe they would be? We fail to pray for miracles when we don't believe they will happen. We profess to believe in Christ but we don't believe He will answer our prayers. So why do we bother praying for anything at all? Some of us are willing to pray that He will bless our finances but not that someone will walk away from her deathbed. We basically are willing to ask for help with things that we could just about do ourselves, but we don't trust in Him to do things we obviously can't control. Instead we believe the lies of the enemy, that there is no hope. What an insult to the Creator of the world that we would pick and choose what to believe He will do! That's not faith in Him, it's faith in ourselves. And none of us is worthy to make such big decisions.
Once a man named Jairus went to see Jesus. He begged Jesus to heal his dying daughter. The girl ended up dying for a bit and Jesus told Jairus, "Do not be afraid; just believe." Then He healed the little girl. Back from the dead. He healed her because Jairus asked and believed Jesus would heal his daughter. The daughter was already dead, she certainly wasn't expecting to be healed. (Mark 5:21-37). Was that girl more special to Jesus than our friends who have cancer today? No.
It's hard but necessary to believe in miracles. To expect them. To respond to the opportunity to pray for such miracles as a blessing, not a chore. I'm not sure exactly why it's so hard or scary, but it is. When I was on my way to see this friend with cancer today I was humbled by the reminder that I haven't been expecting to hear the great news of her miraculous recovery. I thought I should run up to her and boldly tell her I knew she would be healed. That despite all evidence to the contrary, it was going to happen. Maybe I would pray with her right then...
Instead do you know what I did? I said "hi", "bye", and ran off, telling myself I needed to pray more about it before I could really announce that I believed in her healing. You know why? Because it's hard and scary to look at someone who is close to death and tell her she will live after all. Even though that is exactly what I was wishing for when I was so sick. Because even after receiving my own miracle I don't expect to see others. Because she doesn't give the impression of someone who is about to receive one. Oh, right, and because I am a hypocritical jerk.
This is hard stuff, but am supremely blessed in that I have another day to try again. To try to believe that my mustard seed of faith allows me to say to a mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move (Mtw 17:20). We will rejoice together at the amazing things He will do. And eventually every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (Phil 2:10)
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Wasted Life
I discovered an awesome show called "Extreme Weight Loss". I watch it with tears in my eyes throughout. In the last episode I saw (season 3, episode 3) there were many echoes of statements that all people I know who have been blessed with a miracle make.
The overweight man miraculously survived a horrendous car accident. At the hospital, the doctors were stunned and repeated, "We don't even know why you're here". I know those of us who survive have those thoughts too. But I also know the answer. We are hear to proclaim what the Lord has done (Psalm 118:17). That is my new career and I am thrilled to go to work each day.
Later the man was feeling bad about himself and said, "I feel like I'm totally wasting my second chance". We all know what to do about that at this point. Ephesians 4:22-24 says, "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
His personal trainer reported, "He lost his arm but he still has that spark of hope". We have that spark of hope too. Romans 15:13, "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Finally, the trainer in the show told him, "I choose you, Buddy". The trainer was talking about selecting the man to be a client for the show. But it is exactly what God says to us. It isn't because we are worthy. In fact, all are invited to walk with God, but few really go through with it (Mth 22:14). Ephesians 1:4, "Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes." It is so sweet to be chosen for this life, and I know I forget that sometimes. But if the angels can rejoice about it, so can we. And I hope you all do just that.
"In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of God's angels when just one sinner repents." Luke 15:10
The overweight man miraculously survived a horrendous car accident. At the hospital, the doctors were stunned and repeated, "We don't even know why you're here". I know those of us who survive have those thoughts too. But I also know the answer. We are hear to proclaim what the Lord has done (Psalm 118:17). That is my new career and I am thrilled to go to work each day.
Later the man was feeling bad about himself and said, "I feel like I'm totally wasting my second chance". We all know what to do about that at this point. Ephesians 4:22-24 says, "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
His personal trainer reported, "He lost his arm but he still has that spark of hope". We have that spark of hope too. Romans 15:13, "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Finally, the trainer in the show told him, "I choose you, Buddy". The trainer was talking about selecting the man to be a client for the show. But it is exactly what God says to us. It isn't because we are worthy. In fact, all are invited to walk with God, but few really go through with it (Mth 22:14). Ephesians 1:4, "Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes." It is so sweet to be chosen for this life, and I know I forget that sometimes. But if the angels can rejoice about it, so can we. And I hope you all do just that.
"In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of God's angels when just one sinner repents." Luke 15:10
Monday, June 24, 2013
Writing
God renewed my passion for writing about three years ago. I had it when I was little then it died off, as the creative bits of me were replaced with interests of a more scientific and concrete nature. I am sure it was He who rekindled it within me, in preparation for expressing this encounter with evil cancer and death. However, I don't know if it was His original intention for me to pursue writing all along or not. Regardless, I know the novel I wrote a few years back was practice for blogging and whatever writing I will do in the future. Since the cancer journey began I have wanted to write about it, in more detail than this blog, but knew it wasn't the time. But I'm quite sure now is finally the time. Passages and stories from my book (or articles, too early to tell) come to me whenever I'm not focusing on the kids. I'll be driving, exercising, or trying to sleep and really good stuff comes to mind. I rarely am able to write it down before I forget, but I'm trying.
'm going through this blog from the beginning as sort of a starting point for the book. I get anxious before opening each post, afraid I will be embarrassed by what I said back then, or that my heart will hurt so much when I re-live those moments that this time I won't survive. But each time, God carries me through. I am amazed by the way He clearly carried me through the worst days. I am encouraged by the grace He gave me and the love He showed me through all you readers and friends.
So far, these memories have come back from reading through the blog:
--I actually didn't think it could get worse than finding out I had cancer (before we knew it had spread; Acts 1:7, "He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.")
--Suddenly had to wean Naomi and she was so distraught...but she finally took a bottle on Thanksgiving! (Matt 7:7-8 "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”)--The first very sick person I ever saw, who made it all so real. I am still so sad thinking about her. She was young and her mom had to be a strong advocate for her. It was so pathetic and heart-wrenching to hear her mom begging for a bucket for her daughter to throw up in, as the daughter couldn't hold a bag. The pessimistic side of me thinks that young woman has probably passed away by now. I pray for that whole family and wish I had the presence of mind to reach out to them back then. (Matt 17:20 “Jesus told them.”I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.)
--The love, love, love God showed me through all His children. (Proverbs 11:25 from the Message Bible “The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.”)
--It has always been about my not wanting my babies to grow up without me. With His grace, they won't have to. (Mth 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?")
When I first started blogging I was fearful of going public with my innermost thoughts and fears. I hate to be judged and knew I was exposing myself for just that. But being able to be honest on here is what makes it cathartic for me, and is how I bond with you all. I am still amazed by the outpouring of love I have received from it, and am certain that it is the attraction we each have to vulnerability that makes it a success. So, in addition to thanking each of you for reading, praying, and loving on me, I suggest that everyone considers writing down the details of their trials. It might help someone someday, whether it's the writer or the reader.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
'm going through this blog from the beginning as sort of a starting point for the book. I get anxious before opening each post, afraid I will be embarrassed by what I said back then, or that my heart will hurt so much when I re-live those moments that this time I won't survive. But each time, God carries me through. I am amazed by the way He clearly carried me through the worst days. I am encouraged by the grace He gave me and the love He showed me through all you readers and friends.
So far, these memories have come back from reading through the blog:
--I actually didn't think it could get worse than finding out I had cancer (before we knew it had spread; Acts 1:7, "He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.")
--Suddenly had to wean Naomi and she was so distraught...but she finally took a bottle on Thanksgiving! (Matt 7:7-8 "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”)--The first very sick person I ever saw, who made it all so real. I am still so sad thinking about her. She was young and her mom had to be a strong advocate for her. It was so pathetic and heart-wrenching to hear her mom begging for a bucket for her daughter to throw up in, as the daughter couldn't hold a bag. The pessimistic side of me thinks that young woman has probably passed away by now. I pray for that whole family and wish I had the presence of mind to reach out to them back then. (Matt 17:20 “Jesus told them.”I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.)
--The love, love, love God showed me through all His children. (Proverbs 11:25 from the Message Bible “The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.”)
--It has always been about my not wanting my babies to grow up without me. With His grace, they won't have to. (Mth 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?")
When I first started blogging I was fearful of going public with my innermost thoughts and fears. I hate to be judged and knew I was exposing myself for just that. But being able to be honest on here is what makes it cathartic for me, and is how I bond with you all. I am still amazed by the outpouring of love I have received from it, and am certain that it is the attraction we each have to vulnerability that makes it a success. So, in addition to thanking each of you for reading, praying, and loving on me, I suggest that everyone considers writing down the details of their trials. It might help someone someday, whether it's the writer or the reader.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
God Will Move
My faith is weak right now. All around me I see heartache and sorrow among the people of faith. We all need to see Him move. To be reminded of His mightiness. Of His faithfulness. In the meantime we can remember what He's done, but it's not enough. We need more. We will claim His promises and wait with urgent expectation for them to be fulfilled.
Jeremiah 33:3, " Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
I can't tell you the passion I feel for this desire to see Him move. He still answers little prayers, which I know are faith-builders for the big ones, but He has filled me with a yearning for more. I have prayed with faith for the healing of so many lately, and we have not seen them healed. Yet. It is not about me, I know that. But it is about Him. His word says He will not let His people be put to shame. So...where are the miracles? I don't even care if it's healing that we see, I just want to see something. And I know others do too. It is time.
"Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I." Isaiah 58:9
Sometimes people pray for things like this for selfish reasons, but I don't think mine are. It's not that I don't believe He can work, or will work. It's not that I even have a specific prayer that I'm pouting about Him not answering. It's that people think they have so little hope. It's hard to convince them otherwise. And it's not just nonbelievers, who don't know better. Every time He doesn't answer a prayer that we offer in faith it's like it puts a notch in the limb we've put ourselves out on. He knows that. He will move before the branch breaks...won't He?
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24
Hebrews 11:6 says "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.". I am earnestly seeking Him and begging for the reward of seeing Him do something big. Only God is sovereign, and only He decides what "reward" it is that I will get, but I'm not going to stop asking. He has blessed me abundantly, but Abraham set a great example of asking boldly for more and more grace when He asked God to spare Sodom for the sake of a few (Gen 18:22-32).
I have a long list of people who are very sick that I'm praying for. Please consider adding them to your prayer list too, and I will post updates about the amazing ways God responds.
First, there is a woman named Barbara with precious, young, grandchildren who was told she likely has extensive cancer in her abdomen and lots of organs. Last I knew she was hospitalized for the pain and things were not looking good. Next, there is a young lady named Jackie who is unmarried and always wanted a family, etc. She was just diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and they started her on chemo while in the hospital. She is healthy, not a smoker or anything like that. Another is a man named Ryan, whose wife posted a note on here and is praying for his miraculous healing from Stage 4 stomach cancer. He was diagnosed last year, when his daughter was born. He is currently in a lot of pain and has a scan on Monday. They have a blog you can follow at http://watersfamilyforum.blogspot.com/. Lastly for the new ones, I can't believe I didn't post this sooner, but my little niece, Nora, has a tentative diagnosis of craniosyntosis, which means her soft spot closed up too early. It's a huge deal because if that's what it is they need to open her skull before her brain grows to be too big for it's space. They found out on the one-year anniversary of their house burning down! Satan will do anything to destroy us! Anyway, she has a consultation with a surgeon on Monday.
Please always keep praying for Debora P.'s healing, and Alison A., Jessica H., and my continued cancer-free health.
Two late praises are that: My friend Kristy, who has been struggling with lyme's disease for a very long time seems to have been healed. When I saw her she was claiming His victory over the enemy's apparent dominion in her body! Also, Alison had some symptoms of returning cancer a few weeks ago but a scan showed no cancer! He is definitely at work in all of us!
Psalm 50:15 “Sacrifice thank offerings to God,
fulfill your vows to the Most High,
15 and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”
Jeremiah 33:3, " Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
I can't tell you the passion I feel for this desire to see Him move. He still answers little prayers, which I know are faith-builders for the big ones, but He has filled me with a yearning for more. I have prayed with faith for the healing of so many lately, and we have not seen them healed. Yet. It is not about me, I know that. But it is about Him. His word says He will not let His people be put to shame. So...where are the miracles? I don't even care if it's healing that we see, I just want to see something. And I know others do too. It is time.
"Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I." Isaiah 58:9
Sometimes people pray for things like this for selfish reasons, but I don't think mine are. It's not that I don't believe He can work, or will work. It's not that I even have a specific prayer that I'm pouting about Him not answering. It's that people think they have so little hope. It's hard to convince them otherwise. And it's not just nonbelievers, who don't know better. Every time He doesn't answer a prayer that we offer in faith it's like it puts a notch in the limb we've put ourselves out on. He knows that. He will move before the branch breaks...won't He?
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24
Hebrews 11:6 says "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.". I am earnestly seeking Him and begging for the reward of seeing Him do something big. Only God is sovereign, and only He decides what "reward" it is that I will get, but I'm not going to stop asking. He has blessed me abundantly, but Abraham set a great example of asking boldly for more and more grace when He asked God to spare Sodom for the sake of a few (Gen 18:22-32).
I have a long list of people who are very sick that I'm praying for. Please consider adding them to your prayer list too, and I will post updates about the amazing ways God responds.
First, there is a woman named Barbara with precious, young, grandchildren who was told she likely has extensive cancer in her abdomen and lots of organs. Last I knew she was hospitalized for the pain and things were not looking good. Next, there is a young lady named Jackie who is unmarried and always wanted a family, etc. She was just diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and they started her on chemo while in the hospital. She is healthy, not a smoker or anything like that. Another is a man named Ryan, whose wife posted a note on here and is praying for his miraculous healing from Stage 4 stomach cancer. He was diagnosed last year, when his daughter was born. He is currently in a lot of pain and has a scan on Monday. They have a blog you can follow at http://watersfamilyforum.blogspot.com/. Lastly for the new ones, I can't believe I didn't post this sooner, but my little niece, Nora, has a tentative diagnosis of craniosyntosis, which means her soft spot closed up too early. It's a huge deal because if that's what it is they need to open her skull before her brain grows to be too big for it's space. They found out on the one-year anniversary of their house burning down! Satan will do anything to destroy us! Anyway, she has a consultation with a surgeon on Monday.
Please always keep praying for Debora P.'s healing, and Alison A., Jessica H., and my continued cancer-free health.
Two late praises are that: My friend Kristy, who has been struggling with lyme's disease for a very long time seems to have been healed. When I saw her she was claiming His victory over the enemy's apparent dominion in her body! Also, Alison had some symptoms of returning cancer a few weeks ago but a scan showed no cancer! He is definitely at work in all of us!
Psalm 50:15 “Sacrifice thank offerings to God,
fulfill your vows to the Most High,
15 and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Limiting God
Some devoted Christians have a hard time handling or believing the fact that I was healed. Or that anyone they know will be healed of something huge. My faith is so much bigger, stronger, and more fulfilling now that I know I've been healed. It is the biggest blessing that could have come out of cancer. I hate the idea that others can't get into that mindset. It changes everything. I know it can be scary to believe in miracles like that, because they don't always happen. And there's no earthly way of us knowing which prayers really will and will not occur. But for me it's worth the risk. Life is so much better on this side.
It's normal to be scared to pray for these miracles, or to explain them away. I was scared to believe I would be healed, because if I was wrong my kids wouldn't understand. Maybe other devoted Christians feel the same now. If I keel over tomorrow, did they lead their sheep astray by having rejoiced that God had healed me? Or, if they dare to believe I was healed how do they explain why their wife's best friend wasn't healed? Finally, if I can be healed because I prayed and believed God, how does that change the way they view and pray to Jesus?
It's normal to be scared to pray for these miracles, or to explain them away. I was scared to believe I would be healed, because if I was wrong my kids wouldn't understand. Maybe other devoted Christians feel the same now. If I keel over tomorrow, did they lead their sheep astray by having rejoiced that God had healed me? Or, if they dare to believe I was healed how do they explain why their wife's best friend wasn't healed? Finally, if I can be healed because I prayed and believed God, how does that change the way they view and pray to Jesus?
I understand fear. We are told time and again not to worry behave out of fear for a reason--it's everywhere. Our society teaches us to be cautious. Our experiences ensure that we will be disappointed if we let our guards down, so we protect ourselves. And our memories repeat the stories we've seen and heard about others being let down.
The thing is, if you can't believe God healed me (just for example, this issue is not literally about me), how can you believe He answers other prayers? Do you set guidelines on how much to ask God for? Like, "Take my sore throat away for long enough to do this presentation", but never, "Lord, I believe you have removed the inoperable tumor from this woman's brain". I think that happens but it shouldn't. A good example is when Abraham walked with God and they spoke about Sodom, he asked boldly for more and more grace regarding His destruction of the city and the people in it (Genesis 18).
If we are going to limit God by what we believe He will do, what kind of faith have we developed? That takes the living trinity out of the mix and basically makes us the god. It turns us into being "spiritual, not religious" like so many lost souls. That is an easier way to live but that doesn't make it right. People might think it helps them avoid disappointment but it actually leads to destruction instead.
Christians are called to pray to Jesus, who intercedes for us. How egotistical of us to limit what we ask Him, what we expect of Him, to piddly little things that could happen by coincidence. How sad it is for our children to learn to word their prayers out of fear of disappointment rather than true faith. The Bible tells stories of suffering, but that doesn't make it the theme of the book. Our duties in this life are to grow closer to God and help others to do the same.
So, in this world where people without faith are empowered to do pretty much anything their hearts desire, I think we should feel empowered too. Not as individuals but as children of Christ. The Lord empowered us all to pray boldly, stand firm in faith and to be courageous. The great commandment tells us to love the Lord with all our heart and mind. We can't love and glorify Him if we're limiting Him with our own expectations (Mth 22:36-37).
1 Corinthians 16:13 Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
Hebrews 4:16 So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Matthew 7:7 "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Dreaming in Sci-Fi and My Year of Health
Well, this is it. I am 33 today. I am healthy, happy, and cancer-free. I have a perfect family, amazing friends, and a great love-life with our Creator.
Awful things happened this year. Great things happened this year. Things that would change me forever. Things that would remind me that I don't know how long forever actually is.
I am not the same person I was when I turned 32. I am now stronger and bolder, but also weaker and more vulnerable.
Everything about me is older now. I just noticed that my profile picture on Facebook is unrecognizable. I "can't" change the picture because I don't like the updated photos I've been posing for. But the truth is, I don't like the girl I see in those old pictures either. I was so foolish and shallow then. I miss the freedom to live like that, but carry a strong distaste for that lifestyle at the same time. So why can't I say goodbye to her?
Maybe there are deep issues at bay here. Or maybe I haven't fully embraced the two new roles I fell into this year: 1) terminally ill mother of two, and 2) miraculously cured child of God. I don't want to ever go back to the first, but you can't have a former without the latter. Just like I can't go back to the "before" picture of me without dabbling into the "after".
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecc 3:11
As you likely recall, I received my diagnosis at the beginning of the last holiday season. At the time I tried desperately to embrace Thanksgiving and Christmas as gifts of special bonus time I could spend with my family while knowing it would be among my last. Those holidays were HARD. God carried me through them but I can barely keep it together remembering my sorrow. At the time I thought that nothing could ever relieve that sadness for me. That even if somehow God healed my "incurable" cancer, I could never release the heartache of living as if my time was limited. All our time IS limited, no matter what any doctor says. But I am ecstatic to report that while celebrating my day of birth today, I never thought about my day of death. I don't think I'm invincible, but I don't waste my time thinking of how I'm not.
"Man's days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed." Job 14:5
So, on this day we celebrated my 33 years of life and began a dedicated year of health. It is more than safe to say that Year 32 included the lowest valley of my physical health thus far. There were plenty of things beyond my control, but I can control a lot of physical issues that can make me healthier. Not to make me live longer, God is the one who numbers and knows my days. But I see no reason that I cannot be the healthiest I have ever been this year. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have been praying about and meditating on criteria that would demonstrate those achievements, as well as small daily goals that will help me get there. My tentative decisions are to run a 5K in 23 minutes or less (in peak physical condition before I ran them in about 24 minutes), to write a first draft of my next book (discussed below), and to read the whole Bible with a deeper study than usual. I hope to accomplish these before my next birthday. If God intervenes I will have to change them, but I'll keep working on the daily goals to achieve them on His timeline.
"All this I tested by wisdom and I said, "I am determined to be wise"--but this was beyond me." Ecc 7:23
I rarely remember my dreams, but when I had both children I was awakened so often in the middle of them that I would recall what had been going on. I was so happy then. Time and time again I would wake up in the middle of a "sitcom". It was almost always Seinfeld (which had ended years before), and I was dreaming of entirely new, hilarious story lines. I sometimes couldn't fall asleep from laughing so hard. Times have changed a bit since then...I now dream in Sci-Fi. What's that about? I have two recurring dreams that include tons of supernatural events. Nothing God-related, by the way. I don't know what else to do with them so I've started plotting them out for my next book. I am generally the last person to write Science Fiction, given that I do not read it or typically enjoy such stories. But I plan to write a bit each day and finish at least one draft this year. I will NOT rest until this book is one that I am extremely proud of. I really enjoyed writing my last one, but I was not proud of the end product at all, and that made it impossible to market. So, I'm not going to waste the extra time God gave me on earth, writing some nonsense I can't drag myself to talk up. Anyway, I hope this is the beginning of a fun, new adventure, and I'll keep you posted on the progress.
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2
Awful things happened this year. Great things happened this year. Things that would change me forever. Things that would remind me that I don't know how long forever actually is.
I am not the same person I was when I turned 32. I am now stronger and bolder, but also weaker and more vulnerable.
Everything about me is older now. I just noticed that my profile picture on Facebook is unrecognizable. I "can't" change the picture because I don't like the updated photos I've been posing for. But the truth is, I don't like the girl I see in those old pictures either. I was so foolish and shallow then. I miss the freedom to live like that, but carry a strong distaste for that lifestyle at the same time. So why can't I say goodbye to her?
Maybe there are deep issues at bay here. Or maybe I haven't fully embraced the two new roles I fell into this year: 1) terminally ill mother of two, and 2) miraculously cured child of God. I don't want to ever go back to the first, but you can't have a former without the latter. Just like I can't go back to the "before" picture of me without dabbling into the "after".
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecc 3:11
As you likely recall, I received my diagnosis at the beginning of the last holiday season. At the time I tried desperately to embrace Thanksgiving and Christmas as gifts of special bonus time I could spend with my family while knowing it would be among my last. Those holidays were HARD. God carried me through them but I can barely keep it together remembering my sorrow. At the time I thought that nothing could ever relieve that sadness for me. That even if somehow God healed my "incurable" cancer, I could never release the heartache of living as if my time was limited. All our time IS limited, no matter what any doctor says. But I am ecstatic to report that while celebrating my day of birth today, I never thought about my day of death. I don't think I'm invincible, but I don't waste my time thinking of how I'm not.
"Man's days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed." Job 14:5
So, on this day we celebrated my 33 years of life and began a dedicated year of health. It is more than safe to say that Year 32 included the lowest valley of my physical health thus far. There were plenty of things beyond my control, but I can control a lot of physical issues that can make me healthier. Not to make me live longer, God is the one who numbers and knows my days. But I see no reason that I cannot be the healthiest I have ever been this year. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have been praying about and meditating on criteria that would demonstrate those achievements, as well as small daily goals that will help me get there. My tentative decisions are to run a 5K in 23 minutes or less (in peak physical condition before I ran them in about 24 minutes), to write a first draft of my next book (discussed below), and to read the whole Bible with a deeper study than usual. I hope to accomplish these before my next birthday. If God intervenes I will have to change them, but I'll keep working on the daily goals to achieve them on His timeline.
"All this I tested by wisdom and I said, "I am determined to be wise"--but this was beyond me." Ecc 7:23
I rarely remember my dreams, but when I had both children I was awakened so often in the middle of them that I would recall what had been going on. I was so happy then. Time and time again I would wake up in the middle of a "sitcom". It was almost always Seinfeld (which had ended years before), and I was dreaming of entirely new, hilarious story lines. I sometimes couldn't fall asleep from laughing so hard. Times have changed a bit since then...I now dream in Sci-Fi. What's that about? I have two recurring dreams that include tons of supernatural events. Nothing God-related, by the way. I don't know what else to do with them so I've started plotting them out for my next book. I am generally the last person to write Science Fiction, given that I do not read it or typically enjoy such stories. But I plan to write a bit each day and finish at least one draft this year. I will NOT rest until this book is one that I am extremely proud of. I really enjoyed writing my last one, but I was not proud of the end product at all, and that made it impossible to market. So, I'm not going to waste the extra time God gave me on earth, writing some nonsense I can't drag myself to talk up. Anyway, I hope this is the beginning of a fun, new adventure, and I'll keep you posted on the progress.
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Updated Prayers for today, Monday and beyond
In case anyone on here is a prayer warrior (I know the answer to that!), there are some upcoming important events for a few of the severe illnesses I'm following. I have been trying to not give away as much identifying info as I did in the past so that's why I'm just using initials:
Today (Thursday) from 6-7 pm we will be praying for DP. She is undergoing chemo and was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer a few months ago. She has an upcoming CT scan and Friday is her chemo day. There is a specific prayer we're all praying for her. If you want to join in, email me and I'll forward it to you. Please pray that she will believe not just that God CAN heal her, but that He WILL heal her. Pray for her continued comfort and ease of treatments, and that she will enjoy every moment and blessing around her.
"Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and DO NOT DOUBT, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe you WILL receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Mth 21:21-22.
Monday we will be fasting and praying for AA.AA has a really crummy case, too. Six years ago she was diagnosed with an extremely rare cancer called endometrial stromal sarcoma. I think there were only 300 cases then or something. It was Stage 4 upon discovery, but she was miraculously healed. When I was first diagnosed, everyone from church told me about her, as the example of how one could be healed. Well, a tumor recently returned and Dr. Crooms removed it (Dr. McAlpine is her other amazing local doctor, woohoo!). There are no tests and very little treatment for this rare condition. Her youngest daughter is 13 now, and this fear of recurrence is the last thing she needs. The last thing anyone needs. I'm particularly saddened by it because the return can make AA lose confidence that she was ever healed in the first place. She is getting another opinion from MD Anderson next week. They're obtaining her slides and reviewing them that way, so we don't know Monday is it. But it's a good day to petition the Lord, in unity, for her true, final healing. There is some debate about whether it is low or high grade, so she would like us to pray that it is low grade. I will be praying for her confidence and peace as she trust the Lord with her health, and that there is no evidence of any sort of disease in her, forevermore.
An elder from church is also a doctor, and he blogged about AA. All the details are here, ipressontothegoal.blogspot.com/2012_05_01_archive.html
Phil 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
A young lady named JH was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer, and felt the Lord guided her away from the traditional treatments. She has no children but desperately wants them, so she had her eggs frozen and recently began a clinical trial for a non-chemo drug. She is having a CT scan on July 26. I don't know what day she'll get the results so that's the day I'll be praying especially hard.
James 5:14-16, "Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has GREAT POWER as it is working."
Please pray that all these women will have supernatural peace and belief that God is in control. Pray they will boldly push aside any doubts that they will be healed, and instead embrace the opportunity to be a part of His glorious plan--a plan that involves their true hope, full healing, and awareness of His glory. Pray they will live as though they have already been healed, the way Abraham's faith was credited to him as righteousness. Pray they will persevere in the face of odds, and they would be protected from the evil one who comes to destroy them. Pray this experience will strengthen, rather than ruin them, mentally and physically.
There are three other cases to pray about, but I don't know what they have coming up so I'll wait to post them. For the most part, I don't think it matters when you pray for someone, but if we're joining together for the common purpose it feels right to do it at the same time. "For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them" Mth 18:20
Whenever I set aside specific times or days to praying for something like that, I fast from food and entertainment when possible. Once in awhile fasting from food makes me very sick, so I take that as a sign to eat. The idea is to stay as focused as possible on the thing you're praying about. Also, when the disciples couldn't drive out a certain demon, some Bible translations say Jesus replied, "this kind can only come out by prayer and fasting.". Some versions don't say the fasting part, so I imagine there's controversy in the original Arameic term. But, I figure we are called to fast at times, and if there is a chance that some situations are dire enough to require fasting, it wouldn't hurt. When I give up a lot of things like that I'm also more attuned to what God wants, so I pray more in synch with Him.
"When you fast, do not look somber like the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full." Mth 6:16
Today (Thursday) from 6-7 pm we will be praying for DP. She is undergoing chemo and was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer a few months ago. She has an upcoming CT scan and Friday is her chemo day. There is a specific prayer we're all praying for her. If you want to join in, email me and I'll forward it to you. Please pray that she will believe not just that God CAN heal her, but that He WILL heal her. Pray for her continued comfort and ease of treatments, and that she will enjoy every moment and blessing around her.
"Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and DO NOT DOUBT, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe you WILL receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Mth 21:21-22.
Monday we will be fasting and praying for AA.AA has a really crummy case, too. Six years ago she was diagnosed with an extremely rare cancer called endometrial stromal sarcoma. I think there were only 300 cases then or something. It was Stage 4 upon discovery, but she was miraculously healed. When I was first diagnosed, everyone from church told me about her, as the example of how one could be healed. Well, a tumor recently returned and Dr. Crooms removed it (Dr. McAlpine is her other amazing local doctor, woohoo!). There are no tests and very little treatment for this rare condition. Her youngest daughter is 13 now, and this fear of recurrence is the last thing she needs. The last thing anyone needs. I'm particularly saddened by it because the return can make AA lose confidence that she was ever healed in the first place. She is getting another opinion from MD Anderson next week. They're obtaining her slides and reviewing them that way, so we don't know Monday is it. But it's a good day to petition the Lord, in unity, for her true, final healing. There is some debate about whether it is low or high grade, so she would like us to pray that it is low grade. I will be praying for her confidence and peace as she trust the Lord with her health, and that there is no evidence of any sort of disease in her, forevermore.
An elder from church is also a doctor, and he blogged about AA. All the details are here, ipressontothegoal.blogspot.com/2012_05_01_archive.html
Phil 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
A young lady named JH was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer, and felt the Lord guided her away from the traditional treatments. She has no children but desperately wants them, so she had her eggs frozen and recently began a clinical trial for a non-chemo drug. She is having a CT scan on July 26. I don't know what day she'll get the results so that's the day I'll be praying especially hard.
James 5:14-16, "Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has GREAT POWER as it is working."
Please pray that all these women will have supernatural peace and belief that God is in control. Pray they will boldly push aside any doubts that they will be healed, and instead embrace the opportunity to be a part of His glorious plan--a plan that involves their true hope, full healing, and awareness of His glory. Pray they will live as though they have already been healed, the way Abraham's faith was credited to him as righteousness. Pray they will persevere in the face of odds, and they would be protected from the evil one who comes to destroy them. Pray this experience will strengthen, rather than ruin them, mentally and physically.
There are three other cases to pray about, but I don't know what they have coming up so I'll wait to post them. For the most part, I don't think it matters when you pray for someone, but if we're joining together for the common purpose it feels right to do it at the same time. "For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them" Mth 18:20
Whenever I set aside specific times or days to praying for something like that, I fast from food and entertainment when possible. Once in awhile fasting from food makes me very sick, so I take that as a sign to eat. The idea is to stay as focused as possible on the thing you're praying about. Also, when the disciples couldn't drive out a certain demon, some Bible translations say Jesus replied, "this kind can only come out by prayer and fasting.". Some versions don't say the fasting part, so I imagine there's controversy in the original Arameic term. But, I figure we are called to fast at times, and if there is a chance that some situations are dire enough to require fasting, it wouldn't hurt. When I give up a lot of things like that I'm also more attuned to what God wants, so I pray more in synch with Him.
"When you fast, do not look somber like the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full." Mth 6:16
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Prayer Requests
I will have my breasts removed on Friday.
I recently heard mention of how in biblical times people would tear their clothes at the chest as a physical sign to others that their hearts were broken. When I would read that someone did it in the Bible it seemed more like an outward sign than a passionate cry for help. But now I get it. If my mutilated chest wasn't the exact thing I was trying to hide, I would tear my clothes too.
As it is, I will have tons of gauze and bandages compressing me tightly, as if to hold the pieces of my heart from flowing out. The bad news is that it will take me one more (hopefully, final) step away from the person I was just a year ago. Mentally and physically. If you hadn't seen me since before cancer you would not recognize me at all, and I will not grasp at straws to claim there is a silver lining to the loss of my physical beauty. The good news is that, after a few tears I have gotten it all back in perspective and I hope to keep it that way. I will (try to) wear my fuzzy head, scars, wrinkles, and drawn-on eyebrows with pride because my God upheld my inner self despite the outer turmoil.
For "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever". Ps 73:26. I would much rather lose my outsides than my insides, and I believe God has done that for me.
Gracious God, Lord of all, I don't understand all the reasons why I must go through this. But I don't need to. I recognize you in it, and am covered in your peace. Your love. I feel you. I trust you. I thank you. Psalm 16:5 says, "Lord, YOU have assigned me my portion and my cup; YOU have made my lot secure". You do these things for me. I will do what you ask of me. For your glory. Your fame. Your honor.
I would appreciate prayer for my upcoming surgery, as well as for the biopsies, tumor markers, and PET/CT scan that I have over the next two weeks. Please pray that everything will accurately show that I have absolutely no cancer anywhere in my body. I am taking it a step further and praying that reports will say there is no evidence of disease, and no evidence that there ever WAS a disease. And pray that Dr. Crooms and the other workers will be well-rested and every single cut and decision they make will be correct and perfect. Also, please pray for a friend from church who is the second woman who prayed for my healing that has since been diagnosed with breast cancer. The first has already been deemed cancer-free since the diagnosis. Many thanks, I love you all!
I recently heard mention of how in biblical times people would tear their clothes at the chest as a physical sign to others that their hearts were broken. When I would read that someone did it in the Bible it seemed more like an outward sign than a passionate cry for help. But now I get it. If my mutilated chest wasn't the exact thing I was trying to hide, I would tear my clothes too.
As it is, I will have tons of gauze and bandages compressing me tightly, as if to hold the pieces of my heart from flowing out. The bad news is that it will take me one more (hopefully, final) step away from the person I was just a year ago. Mentally and physically. If you hadn't seen me since before cancer you would not recognize me at all, and I will not grasp at straws to claim there is a silver lining to the loss of my physical beauty. The good news is that, after a few tears I have gotten it all back in perspective and I hope to keep it that way. I will (try to) wear my fuzzy head, scars, wrinkles, and drawn-on eyebrows with pride because my God upheld my inner self despite the outer turmoil.
For "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever". Ps 73:26. I would much rather lose my outsides than my insides, and I believe God has done that for me.
Gracious God, Lord of all, I don't understand all the reasons why I must go through this. But I don't need to. I recognize you in it, and am covered in your peace. Your love. I feel you. I trust you. I thank you. Psalm 16:5 says, "Lord, YOU have assigned me my portion and my cup; YOU have made my lot secure". You do these things for me. I will do what you ask of me. For your glory. Your fame. Your honor.
I would appreciate prayer for my upcoming surgery, as well as for the biopsies, tumor markers, and PET/CT scan that I have over the next two weeks. Please pray that everything will accurately show that I have absolutely no cancer anywhere in my body. I am taking it a step further and praying that reports will say there is no evidence of disease, and no evidence that there ever WAS a disease. And pray that Dr. Crooms and the other workers will be well-rested and every single cut and decision they make will be correct and perfect. Also, please pray for a friend from church who is the second woman who prayed for my healing that has since been diagnosed with breast cancer. The first has already been deemed cancer-free since the diagnosis. Many thanks, I love you all!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Warfare
Yesterday I mentioned to Yaacov that it was the first day I felt entirely healthy in a long time. So, it should have been no surprise that right before bed last night I got very sick. Today I'm miserably ill, worse than I have been in a long time. Nice. I am extraordinarily fortunate that it's a weekend though, and that Yaacov is available to watch the kids.
While I was tossing and turning last night I got to thinking about more cruel "irony" of this cancer. I have been upset for awhile because two of my doctors recommend I have my ovaries removed along with my double mastectomy. This is general recommendation for all women who have finished their childbearing and have the BRCA1 genetic mutation. I won't go into all the reasons it upsets me but in general, it would be the end of all things that make me a female. Plus, there are a lot of downsides to going through menopause 20 years early.
I realized last night that there's more to all this warfare. Eve committed the first human sin in the garden and was punished with pain in childbearing. The ability to produce and nourish life was hers alone, and then the joy of it was tempered with pain because of bad choices. Now some of her descendants have this genetic mutation that causes corruption and death to those same special abilities and body parts. The earthly solution is to take those away from us. Either option is a punishment, as is having to make the decision. I will be praying for more wisdom and I'm certain He will help me figure out what to do.
Genesis 3:16, "To the woman He said, 'I will greatly increase your pains during childbearing. With pain you will give birth to children,".
I believe my forefathers, these Ashkenazi jews with the mutation, did something noteworthy to deserve this generational curse. I am convinced the genetic mutation is a punishment, and I can't wait to get to heaven and hear the story (if I can't learn it beforehand). However, in the meantime God can and does use all things (even cancer and what goes along with it!) the enemy intends for evil into good. I will also pray every day for the next 14 years (until Abigail can get the test done) that my girls do not have the mutation.
Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
While I was tossing and turning last night I got to thinking about more cruel "irony" of this cancer. I have been upset for awhile because two of my doctors recommend I have my ovaries removed along with my double mastectomy. This is general recommendation for all women who have finished their childbearing and have the BRCA1 genetic mutation. I won't go into all the reasons it upsets me but in general, it would be the end of all things that make me a female. Plus, there are a lot of downsides to going through menopause 20 years early.
I realized last night that there's more to all this warfare. Eve committed the first human sin in the garden and was punished with pain in childbearing. The ability to produce and nourish life was hers alone, and then the joy of it was tempered with pain because of bad choices. Now some of her descendants have this genetic mutation that causes corruption and death to those same special abilities and body parts. The earthly solution is to take those away from us. Either option is a punishment, as is having to make the decision. I will be praying for more wisdom and I'm certain He will help me figure out what to do.
Genesis 3:16, "To the woman He said, 'I will greatly increase your pains during childbearing. With pain you will give birth to children,".
I believe my forefathers, these Ashkenazi jews with the mutation, did something noteworthy to deserve this generational curse. I am convinced the genetic mutation is a punishment, and I can't wait to get to heaven and hear the story (if I can't learn it beforehand). However, in the meantime God can and does use all things (even cancer and what goes along with it!) the enemy intends for evil into good. I will also pray every day for the next 14 years (until Abigail can get the test done) that my girls do not have the mutation.
Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Saturday, February 4, 2012
He reigns!
Hello friends!
Thanks so much to all of you who came by the park yesterday to share in our joy and celebrate God's goodness! To be certain, God is great all the time, but it was an amazing chance to reflect on His most recent miracle.
A lot of people were there so I didn't have a chance to get very deep with anyone. That probably wouldn't have happened anyway because I was still processing it all. I think it finally hit me so I'll share what I can...
A lot of people asked how I have been feeling but it wasn't until today that it really hit me. I was driving down the road and put on an old Newsboys cd. The first song just filled me with the Holy Spirit and I was flooded with peace from His awesomeness. There's nothing amazing about the song itself, but the chorus is, "It's all God's children singing 'Glory! Glory! Hallelujah, He reigns!". And that is the summary of this journey. Because of all those people praying for us and passing the information along, people in all parts of the country and world knew about this. Because of His mercy, love, and kindness all those people are now singing "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, HE REIGNS!". No matter what your circumstances look like, no matter what junk you're dealing with, no matter what the naysayers shout, God reigns now and forever. One day everyone will recognize it, we just have to wait patiently. "As surely as I live', says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God." (Rom 14:11; Isaiah 45:23).
I mostly feel joy today but I am also extremely humbled. I want to make sure everyone knows what He did for me, but I can't get past the fact that it is me He healed. Funny how I never once asked, "why me?" about getting the cancer, but I need to know why He picked me to be healed. It doesn't matter, of course, and I'm so grateful I can't even handle it.
There are a few things I am certain of: 1. My "believer's prayer" from Mark 11:23-24 (discussed a few days before the results) was the hardest, scariest part of my life and I know the way I attempted it pleased Him. I had to wrestle with it, go against all common sense as well as the believer's I spoke to about it. I believe I had to face all that and declare it publicly before I could be healed. To be clear though, I do NOT believe I did something to "earn" this miracle, any more than I "earned" my salvation. But I did need to get it together, and that included stretching myself and my faith farther than I would have guessed it could go.
2. There were multiple purposes for all this. I believe one was to get so many people praying and allow them to witness the miracle. It is very important to me that it's clear that you're all part of the body who prayed in unison. No one/part is more important than another, so you should all reap the benefits of getting to share the good news and not feel insignificant. Galatians 1:6 says, "As for those who seemed to be important--whatever they were makes no difference to me; God does not judge by external appearance--those men added nothing to my message." So, for those of you who prayed and believed, embrace the fact that He answered in such a big, big way. He did this great thing for you, for me, and for HIM and His glory. We should all be praying Rev. 4:11, "You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; for you created all things and by your will they were created and have their being."
3. This experience has helped me grow in faith and I know of several others who feel the same. I have a renewed thirst for the word and can't get enough of it. I had gotten lazy with God and will pray and try not to do that more. I suspect there are some I haven't spoken to yet who are unsure how to deepen their relatioships with God. Please don't be afraid to ask. If you don't know someone safe to ask, send me an email and I can try to help or find you someone. Most importantly though, God is the one with all the answers so start with reading the Bible (try John maybe).
I'm praying a lot for everyone who has supported us through this journey because when God moves satan often follows. So be aware and "do not give the devil a foothold" (Ephesians 4:27).
Thanks so much to all of you who came by the park yesterday to share in our joy and celebrate God's goodness! To be certain, God is great all the time, but it was an amazing chance to reflect on His most recent miracle.
A lot of people were there so I didn't have a chance to get very deep with anyone. That probably wouldn't have happened anyway because I was still processing it all. I think it finally hit me so I'll share what I can...
A lot of people asked how I have been feeling but it wasn't until today that it really hit me. I was driving down the road and put on an old Newsboys cd. The first song just filled me with the Holy Spirit and I was flooded with peace from His awesomeness. There's nothing amazing about the song itself, but the chorus is, "It's all God's children singing 'Glory! Glory! Hallelujah, He reigns!". And that is the summary of this journey. Because of all those people praying for us and passing the information along, people in all parts of the country and world knew about this. Because of His mercy, love, and kindness all those people are now singing "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, HE REIGNS!". No matter what your circumstances look like, no matter what junk you're dealing with, no matter what the naysayers shout, God reigns now and forever. One day everyone will recognize it, we just have to wait patiently. "As surely as I live', says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God." (Rom 14:11; Isaiah 45:23).
I mostly feel joy today but I am also extremely humbled. I want to make sure everyone knows what He did for me, but I can't get past the fact that it is me He healed. Funny how I never once asked, "why me?" about getting the cancer, but I need to know why He picked me to be healed. It doesn't matter, of course, and I'm so grateful I can't even handle it.
There are a few things I am certain of: 1. My "believer's prayer" from Mark 11:23-24 (discussed a few days before the results) was the hardest, scariest part of my life and I know the way I attempted it pleased Him. I had to wrestle with it, go against all common sense as well as the believer's I spoke to about it. I believe I had to face all that and declare it publicly before I could be healed. To be clear though, I do NOT believe I did something to "earn" this miracle, any more than I "earned" my salvation. But I did need to get it together, and that included stretching myself and my faith farther than I would have guessed it could go.
2. There were multiple purposes for all this. I believe one was to get so many people praying and allow them to witness the miracle. It is very important to me that it's clear that you're all part of the body who prayed in unison. No one/part is more important than another, so you should all reap the benefits of getting to share the good news and not feel insignificant. Galatians 1:6 says, "As for those who seemed to be important--whatever they were makes no difference to me; God does not judge by external appearance--those men added nothing to my message." So, for those of you who prayed and believed, embrace the fact that He answered in such a big, big way. He did this great thing for you, for me, and for HIM and His glory. We should all be praying Rev. 4:11, "You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; for you created all things and by your will they were created and have their being."
3. This experience has helped me grow in faith and I know of several others who feel the same. I have a renewed thirst for the word and can't get enough of it. I had gotten lazy with God and will pray and try not to do that more. I suspect there are some I haven't spoken to yet who are unsure how to deepen their relatioships with God. Please don't be afraid to ask. If you don't know someone safe to ask, send me an email and I can try to help or find you someone. Most importantly though, God is the one with all the answers so start with reading the Bible (try John maybe).
I'm praying a lot for everyone who has supported us through this journey because when God moves satan often follows. So be aware and "do not give the devil a foothold" (Ephesians 4:27).
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Results!
Well, well, well!
When it was finally time for my appointment I was called back to the nurse's station to get my vitals. Dr. Rassam walked by and said, "Your PET scan! It's all gone, your cancer is gone and I can't explain it!" I jumped up and asked him to repeat it and he said, "well, there's a little in your lungs still."
We waited in the room for quite awhile and while we did, we prayed that he was wrong about it being in my lungs. I prayed that his eyes would be opened to what the PET scan results actually said. Finally, he walked in and that's exactly what happened! All the metastases are gone--it's gone from my spine ("impossible", they'd said!), GONE from my lungs (5 minutes earlier he'd said it was there, but I saw it in writing), lyphnodes are cancer-free, and just a tiny bit is left in my breast. He felt and said it's primarily fibrous tissue in that.
Yaacov was with me and we both said, "it's a miracle!" to which Rassam agreed.
He said there is no such thing as restaging me, I will just always have the diagnosis of Stage 4. But I know I don't have it. As of now, I will continue to follow the doctor's directions, but if God leads me to stopping the medications I will. So the plan is the same as before--12 weeks of this easy type of chemo, then discuss surgery, and be on a hormone forever. One step at a time though and that's praising God for being awesome, amazing, wonderful, wonderous, perfect and perfect and perfect and perfect.
For once I am actualy speechless. What He did for me is so unfathomable I'm still awestruck. Despite all my prayers I didn't exactly expect this to be the best day of my life. I just can't wrap my head around it. Why did He do this for me? How could He love me this much?
"Sing to the Lord, all the erth; proclaim his salvation day after day. Decare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place. Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength, ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name. Bring an offering and come before him; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness." 1 Chron 16:23-29
"Give thaks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Cry out, "Save us, God our Savior; gather us and deliver us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name, that we may glory in your praise. Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting." 1 Chron 16: 34-36
"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be ver all the earth." Ps 57:9-11
"Praise the Lord. Praise God in his sancturary; praise him in his mighty heavns. Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for hs surpassing greatness. Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, praise him with tambourine and dancing ,praise him with the strings and flute, praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord." Psalm 150
And by the way, God is good.
When it was finally time for my appointment I was called back to the nurse's station to get my vitals. Dr. Rassam walked by and said, "Your PET scan! It's all gone, your cancer is gone and I can't explain it!" I jumped up and asked him to repeat it and he said, "well, there's a little in your lungs still."
We waited in the room for quite awhile and while we did, we prayed that he was wrong about it being in my lungs. I prayed that his eyes would be opened to what the PET scan results actually said. Finally, he walked in and that's exactly what happened! All the metastases are gone--it's gone from my spine ("impossible", they'd said!), GONE from my lungs (5 minutes earlier he'd said it was there, but I saw it in writing), lyphnodes are cancer-free, and just a tiny bit is left in my breast. He felt and said it's primarily fibrous tissue in that.
Yaacov was with me and we both said, "it's a miracle!" to which Rassam agreed.
He said there is no such thing as restaging me, I will just always have the diagnosis of Stage 4. But I know I don't have it. As of now, I will continue to follow the doctor's directions, but if God leads me to stopping the medications I will. So the plan is the same as before--12 weeks of this easy type of chemo, then discuss surgery, and be on a hormone forever. One step at a time though and that's praising God for being awesome, amazing, wonderful, wonderous, perfect and perfect and perfect and perfect.
For once I am actualy speechless. What He did for me is so unfathomable I'm still awestruck. Despite all my prayers I didn't exactly expect this to be the best day of my life. I just can't wrap my head around it. Why did He do this for me? How could He love me this much?
"Sing to the Lord, all the erth; proclaim his salvation day after day. Decare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place. Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength, ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name. Bring an offering and come before him; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness." 1 Chron 16:23-29
"Give thaks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Cry out, "Save us, God our Savior; gather us and deliver us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name, that we may glory in your praise. Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting." 1 Chron 16: 34-36
"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be ver all the earth." Ps 57:9-11
"Praise the Lord. Praise God in his sancturary; praise him in his mighty heavns. Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for hs surpassing greatness. Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, praise him with tambourine and dancing ,praise him with the strings and flute, praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord." Psalm 150
And by the way, God is good.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Jennifer Litton!
"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6
That is Yaacov's favorite "Christmas" verse. At Christmas, we celebrate the greatest gift God could give--His only son. He gave it freely to us, without even asking, despite all the crummy things we were doing, still do, and will do in the future. You might think I'm talking about this because of December 25 coming around the corner. But you would be WRONG!
I'm talking about God's awesome gifts because He has blessed me so much, in His own timing, and on His own terms. He keeps me on my toes but that just makes me a better dancer. You should see me spinning around right now! To get to the point, He is doing SO MUCH to get us to the MD Anderson program in Texas and just put one of the final dots on the line. So, before I had any interest in going there, we started having people offering help us go. To summarize, we already have had: people donating money for the trip(s), people offering us places to stay there, people telling us they can expedite my case to be seen in a timely manner, people telling us they can get us in to see any of the doctors there, doctors calling my insurance company to find out exactly how to finagle it, and doctors writing letters to the company on my behalf. So, all we need now is insurance, and the insurance head told us all she needs is the name of the doctor I want to work with there. Easier said than done, as no one looked perfect. I tried all the avenues I would think of on my own to figure out who could be best. I tried calling them directly, checking out all the doctors people have mentioned, reading the vitae online, and having doctors ask their friends. There were no clinical trials of interest so I couldn't do it that way, and none of the leads seemed like a match. I was uneasy about it all and unsure how to proceed, so I was just going to settle on one. But then it happened--In an unrelated issue I decided to go through all my backlog of email before we leave town, and saw that someone (thank-you Ann Spitzer!) sent me a link to a news story about a promising cancer finding. I thought it would be about untouchable treatments but read it anyway. There it was--a story about some great findings for people similar to me at MD Anderson. With Jennifer Litton as the head of a promising clinical trial. I don't know if I missed her vita the other day or what, but upon reading it tonight I see she has serious interests in cases similar to mine. Just looking at her little bio gives me goosebumps. She is definitely the doctor we've been looking for. God is the healer but she is one of the players. It is SUCH a load off, and I'm so excited to finally have a name and move on to the next step toward the airport.
This is really big to me, but I'm not sure if it'll make much sense to everyone else. It shows conclusively that God is working and helping me, and He does it for His glory and His name, not in the ways that would leave me room to boast. But, "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord" 2 Cor 10:17. God set it up. If I found a doctor there I might have started thinking I was in control, and I was finding the right doctors. But He knew it was this doctor from the beginning and hid the her from me until the perfect time.
I am really happy for the gift of Jesus, and really happy for the gifts like this that Jesus brings.
I would stop here, but we're going out of town and I just know you all want more. So I'm going to brag about more amazing things God is doing.
I realized I have the world's greatest husband. Literally. He is amazing, so thoughtful, so dedicated, never complains or worries. He is my rock and, even though I whine and complain about almost everything he does, he never actually does anything wrong. He takes the kids all the time, let's me rest when I need it, talk when I need it, cry when I need it. He is perfect for me and I will do all I can to be considerably more perfect for him.
Our friends, loved ones, family, and absolute strangers have been SO kind to us. It's actually so kind that I have had a really hard time coming to terms with it. I'm not sure if it's a pride thing because I've never been a "charity case" before, or what. I know people like to do things in private ("Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.", Mth 6:1), so I want to keep things anonymous, but I have never seen love at work like this before. I am so humbled to be a part of it. I hope and pray that we won't need all the things people have given us, and if that's the case I'll get it back to you or donate it in your name. But for now we're accepting it because I figure if God put it on people's hearts to give us things, He knows we need it. Anyway, among many other things, we have had care packages from people I haven't spoken to in 15+ years, money from people we've never met, even a tiny Christmas tree! Oh, and in January a group of Yaacov's friends are running a relay and raising money through it to donate to us. To top it all off, a complete stranger is lending us her beach house for the weekend, and a ton of people contributed with money and gift cards so we can truly relax. I am so looking forward to it. We leave tomorrow afternoon.
I feel sort of odd posting this blog, because it's just bragging about all this awesome stuff. Who wants to hear about all the great things someone else has? Unless it's out of jealousy, I mean. But I've been praying about this blog and when it came time to write I could not stop these feelings of awesomeness for what God is doing through His people. I'm so excited to be able to share it with you!
That is Yaacov's favorite "Christmas" verse. At Christmas, we celebrate the greatest gift God could give--His only son. He gave it freely to us, without even asking, despite all the crummy things we were doing, still do, and will do in the future. You might think I'm talking about this because of December 25 coming around the corner. But you would be WRONG!
I'm talking about God's awesome gifts because He has blessed me so much, in His own timing, and on His own terms. He keeps me on my toes but that just makes me a better dancer. You should see me spinning around right now! To get to the point, He is doing SO MUCH to get us to the MD Anderson program in Texas and just put one of the final dots on the line. So, before I had any interest in going there, we started having people offering help us go. To summarize, we already have had: people donating money for the trip(s), people offering us places to stay there, people telling us they can expedite my case to be seen in a timely manner, people telling us they can get us in to see any of the doctors there, doctors calling my insurance company to find out exactly how to finagle it, and doctors writing letters to the company on my behalf. So, all we need now is insurance, and the insurance head told us all she needs is the name of the doctor I want to work with there. Easier said than done, as no one looked perfect. I tried all the avenues I would think of on my own to figure out who could be best. I tried calling them directly, checking out all the doctors people have mentioned, reading the vitae online, and having doctors ask their friends. There were no clinical trials of interest so I couldn't do it that way, and none of the leads seemed like a match. I was uneasy about it all and unsure how to proceed, so I was just going to settle on one. But then it happened--In an unrelated issue I decided to go through all my backlog of email before we leave town, and saw that someone (thank-you Ann Spitzer!) sent me a link to a news story about a promising cancer finding. I thought it would be about untouchable treatments but read it anyway. There it was--a story about some great findings for people similar to me at MD Anderson. With Jennifer Litton as the head of a promising clinical trial. I don't know if I missed her vita the other day or what, but upon reading it tonight I see she has serious interests in cases similar to mine. Just looking at her little bio gives me goosebumps. She is definitely the doctor we've been looking for. God is the healer but she is one of the players. It is SUCH a load off, and I'm so excited to finally have a name and move on to the next step toward the airport.
This is really big to me, but I'm not sure if it'll make much sense to everyone else. It shows conclusively that God is working and helping me, and He does it for His glory and His name, not in the ways that would leave me room to boast. But, "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord" 2 Cor 10:17. God set it up. If I found a doctor there I might have started thinking I was in control, and I was finding the right doctors. But He knew it was this doctor from the beginning and hid the her from me until the perfect time.
I am really happy for the gift of Jesus, and really happy for the gifts like this that Jesus brings.
I would stop here, but we're going out of town and I just know you all want more. So I'm going to brag about more amazing things God is doing.
I realized I have the world's greatest husband. Literally. He is amazing, so thoughtful, so dedicated, never complains or worries. He is my rock and, even though I whine and complain about almost everything he does, he never actually does anything wrong. He takes the kids all the time, let's me rest when I need it, talk when I need it, cry when I need it. He is perfect for me and I will do all I can to be considerably more perfect for him.
Our friends, loved ones, family, and absolute strangers have been SO kind to us. It's actually so kind that I have had a really hard time coming to terms with it. I'm not sure if it's a pride thing because I've never been a "charity case" before, or what. I know people like to do things in private ("Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.", Mth 6:1), so I want to keep things anonymous, but I have never seen love at work like this before. I am so humbled to be a part of it. I hope and pray that we won't need all the things people have given us, and if that's the case I'll get it back to you or donate it in your name. But for now we're accepting it because I figure if God put it on people's hearts to give us things, He knows we need it. Anyway, among many other things, we have had care packages from people I haven't spoken to in 15+ years, money from people we've never met, even a tiny Christmas tree! Oh, and in January a group of Yaacov's friends are running a relay and raising money through it to donate to us. To top it all off, a complete stranger is lending us her beach house for the weekend, and a ton of people contributed with money and gift cards so we can truly relax. I am so looking forward to it. We leave tomorrow afternoon.
I feel sort of odd posting this blog, because it's just bragging about all this awesome stuff. Who wants to hear about all the great things someone else has? Unless it's out of jealousy, I mean. But I've been praying about this blog and when it came time to write I could not stop these feelings of awesomeness for what God is doing through His people. I'm so excited to be able to share it with you!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Someone still cares
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" --Matthew 6:27
The chemo effects hit my mouth yesterday so I'm having difficulty speaking, eating, and swallowing. From what I can tell, it will be at least 9 weeks before this improves, so of course I spent the morning ruminating on how I can raise my children without a voice and the difficulty of a long-term liquid diet.
A quiet voice reminded me, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." With some difficulty, I let it go.
Next, Yaacov was supposed to leave town for a short business trip. That means both of us would be out of town tomorrow because I need to be at a monthly job I do, leaving my children in the hands of my overwhelmed 70 year old father for the entire day.
"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."
Okay, God.
My doctor's office wants a bunch of paperwork for our appeal to go to MD Anderson in Texas by tomorrow. The phone calls I have to make for it run me ragged and I get nowhere.
"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."
Got it.
These are the types of concerns I typically think NEED to be worried about, or they just won't get taken care of. But for once, I took the hint and let them go. Instead of everything falling apart, God took over. Yaacov's trip was canceled so he can help with the girls tomorrow. The Mayo clinic called me three times, (instead of my having to call them) and the doctor agreed to write a letter I need. Then a friend dropped off dinner--soup! It felt great on my mouth and is so much more satisfying than the all-juice diet I had started planning.
Perhaps God's word is alive and well. Perhaps he does find me more valuable than a bird of the air. Perhaps I need to stop trying to do His job and just do my own.
The chemo effects hit my mouth yesterday so I'm having difficulty speaking, eating, and swallowing. From what I can tell, it will be at least 9 weeks before this improves, so of course I spent the morning ruminating on how I can raise my children without a voice and the difficulty of a long-term liquid diet.
A quiet voice reminded me, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." With some difficulty, I let it go.
Next, Yaacov was supposed to leave town for a short business trip. That means both of us would be out of town tomorrow because I need to be at a monthly job I do, leaving my children in the hands of my overwhelmed 70 year old father for the entire day.
"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."
Okay, God.
My doctor's office wants a bunch of paperwork for our appeal to go to MD Anderson in Texas by tomorrow. The phone calls I have to make for it run me ragged and I get nowhere.
"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."
Got it.
These are the types of concerns I typically think NEED to be worried about, or they just won't get taken care of. But for once, I took the hint and let them go. Instead of everything falling apart, God took over. Yaacov's trip was canceled so he can help with the girls tomorrow. The Mayo clinic called me three times, (instead of my having to call them) and the doctor agreed to write a letter I need. Then a friend dropped off dinner--soup! It felt great on my mouth and is so much more satisfying than the all-juice diet I had started planning.
Perhaps God's word is alive and well. Perhaps he does find me more valuable than a bird of the air. Perhaps I need to stop trying to do His job and just do my own.
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