BEST DAY SO FAR

Chemo treatment #4. The best I expected was to go in quickly, hear my lump is very small and get a quick dose of the "red devil juice" (they call it that, I don't). I was already excited because after this I have just 12 weeks of a gentler drug.


God had better plans for me today. I asked Dr. Rassam about his recommendation for my surgery and out of nowhere he mentioned that it might turn out that I actually have stage 3 instead of stage 4 cancer! That is literally the difference between a death sentence and a curable illness! We scheduled a PET scan for Thursday (1/26), and I will get the results within a week after that. I'm so excited, so excited, so excited.


I know some of you will think it's a bad idea for me to be excited about this, because I should actually expect the worst. However, I don't think that's biblical. How can I have all this hope and joy but stifle it in case I get disappointed? First of all, I would be doing that just to protect myself. I don't need protecting, that's God's job! Ps 127:7 says, "The Lord will keep you from all harm--He will watch over your life." I also don't want to  think it will be bad because that's a lack of faith. I believe God will heal me. I don't know that this is the start of it, but it very well could be. There are many cases in which this happens. Instead of sudden healing, it's gradual, with restaging to lower and lower stages until it's gone,. Then the doctors say it was due to misdiagnoses. In my case, three oncologists reviewed the case and told me unequivically, "there is a 0% chance you will be cured of cancer". We'll know the truth--that God healed me.


Anyway, it hasn't happened yet, but I'm hoping and praying that it will. This is THE time I need everyone we can to pray. I know it's selfish but I also know a ton of people have offered and are praying already, so this is really specific. At this point, it's the most important, time-sensitive prayer I've ever had. This could be the beginning of my healing! Please, please pray and ask those people you have praying for us that: the results of the next PET scan will accurately demonstrate that there is no cancer beyond my breasts. My lungs, spine, and all other bones and organs are entirely cancer free. I'm so very hopeful that God will choose now to answer this prayer. Please remember that this is the time to BELIEVE God will answer. James 1:6 "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." That belief is called faith, and James 5:15 says, " And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven."


Many thanks for the prayers and support, I love you all!

Children

Abi turned four today! I am thrilled to have known and raised the most amazing little girl this whole time. It is a complete honor and I can't wait to see how the next four pan out.

I was praying this morning about precious Abigail and what a blessing she has been, and got to thinking about how we all should have faith like little children. Matthew 18:3 says, "Truly I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven". Abi sets an amazing example of faith--no bad things have gotten in the way of her belief or tainted her pure, unadulterated passions. She doesn't understand everything about God or Jesus, but she does believe the truth about what they've done for us. She doesn't know the extent of my illness, but she believes Jesus will heal me.

So if I am to be like a child in my faith, I will take the living word of God and believe what it says. There are many examples in the Bible of Jesus healing people. In fact, it happens nonstop in the new testament, not just one in a million times. I am aware that Jesus didn't heal everyone, but using that as an excuse for unbelief contradicts behaving like a child. The Bible doesn't refer to all the sick people off somewhere who Jesus ignored, people just grow up and realize there must have been some, then put God in a box accordingly. I don't think that's the point of having faith like a little child. The point is you don't need to overanalyze everything, or let common sense (which is actually learned by life experience) get in the way. To be like a child you just do it now and ask questions later.

Matthew 21:22 says, "If you believe, you will receive anything you ask for in prayer." 1 John 5:14 adds, "now this is the confidence we have in him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He will answer us." In John 14:13-14 Jesus said "And I will do whatever you ask in my name so that the father will be glorified in the son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

So, I'm tossing out about 28 years of jaded, biased, negative thinking and getting back to the faith I might have had when I was 4. I will keep praying, and most importantly, believing, that I will be healed. Cured, actually. Not by doctors, not by diet, but by God Almighty. By the sovereign God whose wrath I deserve but will not face. "Be exalted, O Lord. We will sing and praise your power." (Ps 21:13)

All States Have Prayer Coverage!

Thank-you all so much for your help finding people to pray for us in every single state. There are a ton of international pray-ers as well. I'll paste the colored map below and am so very grateful. I know God hears all our prayers.

Ephesians 6:18
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

John 15:7 
But if you stay joined to me and my words remain in you, you may ask any request you like, and it will be granted.

 

Day 7

Yesterday was difficult. Met with local oncologist who we really liked. Unfortunately, he didn't say anything contrary to the bad news we were aware of. I think it was extra hard for Yaacov because I hadn't told him about the incurable part so he didn't find out until Dr. Rassam told him. Then we went home and Yaacov told my dad, who also hadn't known. Rough day all around. I'm praying that it's the worst day of our lives.

The plan is to get a brain MRI Monday to see if it's spread there. Wednesday is Mayo. We're going to ask them and Neenad for advice on the best place in the country for treating stage 4 BC. Particularly because everyone is noting how unique my case is. In addition to being only 32 with advanced BC, the characteristics are unique to the few people who do get it at this age. I'm hoping that the uniqueness makes me a pet project to a genius oncologist who treats me exactly the way God wants, and I have a full recovery. I can't wait for that day.

Anyway, Rassam said to call as soon as we leave Mayo, he'll order the drugs they recommend, and we'll be able to start 2 days after that. That's next Friday or the following Monday. I never thought I'd be so excited to lose all my hair. Apparently with Stage 4, the goal is to prolong life rather than cure it, which somehow makes the surgery less important. In fact, the only reason to have it is so the cancer doesn't grow outward and burst through my body. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Weaning Naomi has been incredibly difficult. It's so unfair to her, and she's so confused and heartbroken. However, we recognize God's hand in it all, and when we really stop and pray (not just the quick kind you do in the middle of washing dishes), it improves. She took an ounce or so from a bottle before nap and has now slept for a few hours. She should be less distraught for Thanksgiving dinner.

We were still going to cook everything today, but at the last minute last night ran to Publix and got a bunch of premade sidedishes. The house is a mess too. But it has been so much more peaceful today. And I have never appreciated the meaning of "Thanksgiving" as much as I do today. My dad and father in law are here now, the Kent family is coming with their amazing kids, and Sarah and Abe from Yaacov's work will be here too. So everyone has someone to support them. Mom and Ben are on their way but won't be here for the meal. I am so grateful for the support and love from all these people. Last year when my book came out, a lot of people who I thought cared about me didn't read or buy it. It wasn't about the money, but the gesture. I felt like it really showed who my real friends were. But the truth is that sort of crap doesn't matter. What matters is that people rally around you and your family for the important stuff.

This is the most encouraging verse I have found. And when I say, "found" I mean it--over the past few months I've been making notecards of verses I thought were important, and leaving them wherever I shove them while cleaning. Last night was the hardest of all, and Yaacov's dad was talking my ear off about nonsense while I was just trying to figure out how to breathe. I said a little prayer for God's help and went to look for something. Suddenly one of my notecards was sitting right there, with the best thing I could have heard or read right then. I don't actually remember making it, or why I would have thought it applied to anything BC (before cancer). But it and the others I keep finding are directly applicable now. Glory be to God for this outpouring of love, peace and assurance!!!!

The verse is 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, "We have troubles all around us, but we are NOT defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do NOT give up the hope of the living. We are persecuted, but god does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes but we are NOT destroyed.