Cancer and Life Updates

 I don't know if anyone really reads this who wouldn't have heard in another way, but I just noticed that I never posted that Yaacov is cancer-free. I'm sorry about that, the Lord deserves all the glory for bringing him and our whole family through cancer and chemo, and that now it is all gone! He will have regular follow-ups for testing with Dr. Rassam, but otherwise no ongoing medicine or other treatment. He has been getting sicker for longer than normal this season, so we do suspect his immune system hasn't fully recovered yet, so we'd love prayer for that. I know it's hard for him to persevere and get caught up on work and life when his body keeps holding him back. But we know the Lord is allowing it for Yaacov's good, so we pray for wisdom and patience in the meantime!

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. --Psalm 103: 2-5

Surgery Scheduled!

Great things have been going on since my last post. I got test results from the bloodwork Dr. Rassam took on Thursday. Both tumor marker tests came back lower than last time (they've stayed in normal ranges for a year now but had increased a bit within that range), and he also checked my thyroid. It came back high, as hypothyroidism. I read that chemo can cause this, and I'm just so glad to have a reason for some of my symptoms that it is a big relief.

I saw Dr. McAlpine yesterday and scheduled the ovary plus fallopian tube removal for April 29. He is going to start laproscopically, and if that works it will be an outpatient procedure with 3-7 day recovery. If he has to switch to normal surgery he's going to take my uterus too. Then it will be a longer recovery and short hospital stay. Dr. Rassam told me in the past that I would never be able to have hormone replacement therapy, but Dr. McAlpine said today that if things go well for the next decade or so I might be able to take some then. He also told me about some anti-depressants that can decrease hot flashes and such from the menopause I'll be going through. 

Dr. McAlpine felt around and said there's no palpable lump on my ovary, which is a good thing. He also said  that is not causing my abdominal pain, but he will poke around there during surgery and fix anything he finds. All in all, I'm happy with the news I've received lately and the treatment plan. I wish surgery was a little sooner but trust God, His timing is perfect. Yaacov had to cancel a business trip so he can be there that day, and I'm really grateful for his unconditional support. 

The Lord has really been there for me during this. I am not anxious and trust that I don't have cancer. I think the Tamoxifen caused the mass and after the surgery get to try a new medication. In the meantime I am praying for and expecting further protection from all the side effects of these drugs and procedures.

Last year I struggled so much with fear that I sometimes had trouble voicing my confidence in the Lord. This time He is very present and I trust Him regardless. This is a great chance to be bold about my God. I am really feeling good, mentally and physically and am praying that I will be a faithful example for my doctors and the other people who will follow my case.

1 Peter 2:15, "For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people."

Day 7

Yesterday was difficult. Met with local oncologist who we really liked. Unfortunately, he didn't say anything contrary to the bad news we were aware of. I think it was extra hard for Yaacov because I hadn't told him about the incurable part so he didn't find out until Dr. Rassam told him. Then we went home and Yaacov told my dad, who also hadn't known. Rough day all around. I'm praying that it's the worst day of our lives.

The plan is to get a brain MRI Monday to see if it's spread there. Wednesday is Mayo. We're going to ask them and Neenad for advice on the best place in the country for treating stage 4 BC. Particularly because everyone is noting how unique my case is. In addition to being only 32 with advanced BC, the characteristics are unique to the few people who do get it at this age. I'm hoping that the uniqueness makes me a pet project to a genius oncologist who treats me exactly the way God wants, and I have a full recovery. I can't wait for that day.

Anyway, Rassam said to call as soon as we leave Mayo, he'll order the drugs they recommend, and we'll be able to start 2 days after that. That's next Friday or the following Monday. I never thought I'd be so excited to lose all my hair. Apparently with Stage 4, the goal is to prolong life rather than cure it, which somehow makes the surgery less important. In fact, the only reason to have it is so the cancer doesn't grow outward and burst through my body. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Weaning Naomi has been incredibly difficult. It's so unfair to her, and she's so confused and heartbroken. However, we recognize God's hand in it all, and when we really stop and pray (not just the quick kind you do in the middle of washing dishes), it improves. She took an ounce or so from a bottle before nap and has now slept for a few hours. She should be less distraught for Thanksgiving dinner.

We were still going to cook everything today, but at the last minute last night ran to Publix and got a bunch of premade sidedishes. The house is a mess too. But it has been so much more peaceful today. And I have never appreciated the meaning of "Thanksgiving" as much as I do today. My dad and father in law are here now, the Kent family is coming with their amazing kids, and Sarah and Abe from Yaacov's work will be here too. So everyone has someone to support them. Mom and Ben are on their way but won't be here for the meal. I am so grateful for the support and love from all these people. Last year when my book came out, a lot of people who I thought cared about me didn't read or buy it. It wasn't about the money, but the gesture. I felt like it really showed who my real friends were. But the truth is that sort of crap doesn't matter. What matters is that people rally around you and your family for the important stuff.

This is the most encouraging verse I have found. And when I say, "found" I mean it--over the past few months I've been making notecards of verses I thought were important, and leaving them wherever I shove them while cleaning. Last night was the hardest of all, and Yaacov's dad was talking my ear off about nonsense while I was just trying to figure out how to breathe. I said a little prayer for God's help and went to look for something. Suddenly one of my notecards was sitting right there, with the best thing I could have heard or read right then. I don't actually remember making it, or why I would have thought it applied to anything BC (before cancer). But it and the others I keep finding are directly applicable now. Glory be to God for this outpouring of love, peace and assurance!!!!

The verse is 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, "We have troubles all around us, but we are NOT defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do NOT give up the hope of the living. We are persecuted, but god does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes but we are NOT destroyed.