Going in..

I'm about to go in for surgery. I need to be there at 5:30 am, sugery should start at 7:30. Yaacov will be responsible for blogging and updating people that I am perfectly fine.

I have been completely calm and fearless about this procedure. I was feeling like it was a routine thing, like getting shots. I got in late last night from picking my mom up at the airport though, and got worked up about my girls. Not the "girls" they're about to remove, my actual daughters. I realized I've been so focused on giving back to other people and my own recovery that I haven't given them the time or attention they deserve. I'm not just putting myself down, I have really been a bad mother lately. I would say it's ironic, because they are the very reason I was fighting to survive, and now because of surviving my priorities changed and not entirely for the best. However, that's not irony or coincidence. That is the enemy, and he won some battles. His cancer may not have taken my life but it briefly took my parenting skills.

Not anymore, I'm back. Or, almost back. I spent a lot of time cuddling with each of them in the middle of the night. They won't remember, but I will. And if something does happen to me in surgery, their last experience of me will have been perfect--quiet, intentional, prayerful, and overflowing my heart with peace, joy, and love.

A lot of people have reached out to me lately, and I haven't had a chance to get back to everyone. I'm sorry but do appreciate it very much. Talk to y'all soon!

Deut 31:8, "The Lord is the One who will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged."

Josh 1:9, "Have I not commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

I don't have time to type all these, but while waiting I will be praying and meditating on those along with Psalm 23 and Philippians 4:4-8.