Less of me to love...

Well, it's done. I'm home. I will go into some detail for the sake of others in this situation for the future.

First of all, the physical pain from the surgery and recovery is nothing. I had heard that but didn't understand the extent to which it was true. I had a morphine pump at first and used it whenever I was awake, because I was sure the pain would come in and knock me down. It never did. The other procedures I had done hurt much worse than the mastectomy, and I've been off pain meds for two days now.

I thought that being at the hospital would be the one time I didn't have to "look out for me", but I was wrong, and I believe anyone having surgery (especially in Tallahassee) should remember that. For example, now that I've had lymphnodes removed I should never get needle pricks or blood pressure taken from that side. But for days they took blood pressure on the wrong side, and I didn't even think about it until a nurse noticed and told me. She put a big sign up, but after that someone still tried to take it from the wrong side TWICE.

On my last day a lot of things went wrong and they came in and took my blood. I assumed it was because of all the other problems so asked what they were looking for. It turned out they were supposed to have been taking my labs every day, but "forgot" the first two times. And no one noticed, of course.

There were a few more issues like that, but they all worked out so I hesitate to just destroy TMH. The lesson has been learned that I can never let my guard down, though. "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

Dr. Crooms did the surgery, and as I've mentioned, I love him and trust him entirely. He took more lymphnodes than planned (wasn't sure how many), but not because they looked suspicious, just because they had previously been cancerous. That was cool, because I'd been praying about that but never actually asked him to take more, so I consider it another awesomely answered prayer. And, God put that desire in my heart to pray about in the first place. I'm not going to question why because that opens up doors to let Satan scare me about the answer. The reason doesn't matter. The fact that God put it in my heart to want it, I prayed about it, and it was done for me is enough. Mark 11: 22-24, "And Jesus answered them, 'Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea', and does not doubt in his heart, but believes what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

I started recovering fine, and on Sunday Dr. Crooms said I could either go home then or if I wanted to rest more I could leave Monday morning. Wild horses were not going to get me out of that hospital. I felt the only way to recover was to have people take care of me at the hospital, instead of turning back into a mommy at home. A few hours passed, and a nurse began hinting loudly that I should just go home. Still, I would not be moved or shaken. It was a really good thing I didn't go. All the sudden, we discovered a pool of blood, then my fever spiked and blood pressure dropped. I was lonely and it was scary, but God didn't leave me. I was really low on blood so couldn't stay awake to pray, but He doesn't require that we always stand at attention. Sometimes He provides rest and takes care of the drama. In this case I am convinced it was spiritual warfare, and I was on the right side. The winning side.

I still don't know exactly what happened. The nurse kept saying it was so great that I hadn't gone home. I'm on antibiotics but don't know if the blood culture came back as infected. Dr. Crooms said I could have a transfusion, but it wasn't required (my "count" was 25, not sure what unit of measurement that is). I was about to do it but asked and he suggested avoiding the risk (risk is low, but still there). So, supposedly my blood will build back up in 2-4 weeks. Until then I'm tired, but I expected that after surgery, regardless.

I think I'm doing really well, considering. If I hadn't see pictures beforehand, I wouldn't be able to handle the way I look. But, I did and as it is now I just get nauseas looking at it. But Yaacov and I are viewing it as a temporary thing, and that makes a big difference. I was always a hideous pregnant person too, not like one of those cute women. So, I'm not unaccustomed to being a bit grossed out by the sight of myself in the mirror. And, unlike my bald head, it's easy enough to hide the scars and pretend they don't exist. I realize that might not be the healthiest approach, but guess what? I don't care!!!

The pathology report should be in today or tomorrow. I will see Dr. Crooms at the end of the week so I figure he'll give me the results then if not before. He's been the one to tell me I had cancer, then that it spread. Please pray that this time the results show no cancer!!!!

I have to beg again that you will pray for my friend from church who I mentioned the other day. It sounds like her breast cancer is being diagnosed as Stage 4, with the metastasis in her liver, but I haven't heard that final part from her. She prayed for my during my journey, with no idea that she had cancer that was growing and spreading at the time. I can't help but feel this is a direct attack from Satan. We've been praying against his attacks throughout this, but not as much expecting them to be physical issues. Anyway, please pray with us that God will be glorified, magnified, and will reign supreme in this situation.

1 Peter 5:6-11
"Humble yourselves, therefore; under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties onhim, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, wh has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To HIM be the DOMINION forever and ever. Amen."