I will have my breasts removed on Friday.
I recently heard mention of how in biblical times people would tear their clothes at the chest as a physical sign to others that their hearts were broken. When I would read that someone did it in the Bible it seemed more like an outward sign than a passionate cry for help. But now I get it. If my mutilated chest wasn't the exact thing I was trying to hide, I would tear my clothes too.
As it is, I will have tons of gauze and bandages compressing me tightly, as if to hold the pieces of my heart from flowing out. The bad news is that it will take me one more (hopefully, final) step away from the person I was just a year ago. Mentally and physically. If you hadn't seen me since before cancer you would not recognize me at all, and I will not grasp at straws to claim there is a silver lining to the loss of my physical beauty. The good news is that, after a few tears I have gotten it all back in perspective and I hope to keep it that way. I will (try to) wear my fuzzy head, scars, wrinkles, and drawn-on eyebrows with pride because my God upheld my inner self despite the outer turmoil.
For "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever". Ps 73:26. I would much rather lose my outsides than my insides, and I believe God has done that for me.
Gracious God, Lord of all, I don't understand all the reasons why I must go through this. But I don't need to. I recognize you in it, and am covered in your peace. Your love. I feel you. I trust you. I thank you. Psalm 16:5 says, "Lord, YOU have assigned me my portion and my cup; YOU have made my lot secure". You do these things for me. I will do what you ask of me. For your glory. Your fame. Your honor.
I would appreciate prayer for my upcoming surgery, as well as for the biopsies, tumor markers, and PET/CT scan that I have over the next two weeks. Please pray that everything will accurately show that I have absolutely no cancer anywhere in my body. I am taking it a step further and praying that reports will say there is no evidence of disease, and no evidence that there ever WAS a disease. And pray that Dr. Crooms and the other workers will be well-rested and every single cut and decision they make will be correct and perfect. Also, please pray for a friend from church who is the second woman who prayed for my healing that has since been diagnosed with breast cancer. The first has already been deemed cancer-free since the diagnosis. Many thanks, I love you all!
I pray for your recovery. I stand in awe of your courage and Faith.
ReplyDeleteUncle Jamison
I am praying now for the doctors,for you, and for your family.
ReplyDelete"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Rom. 15:13
Life abundant,
Paul Morphy
You are truly one of the most beautiful (inside AND out!) women of faith I have ever met! I can only tell you that I am continually blessed in your sharing and in praying for/with you!
ReplyDeleteI will be praying friend!
ReplyDelete"That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10
ReplyDeleteYou are the personification of this verse, and we admire you so much and pray that you will be rewarded extravagantly from God's storehouse of blessings for all that you are suffering and giving up with this illness!
I will be praying for the you on Friday and for the results of all of the tests to show that there is no sign of cancer now or ever having been in your tissues. I can't imagine the emotions that you are feeling now related to having this surgery. I pray that the Lord will pour His love and comfort into your heart through the Holy Spirit and that will carry you through with the comfort and strength that can only come from Him. "...but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and your family, Erin. Thank you for sharing your journey, your honesty is so inspirational. I was diagnosed at age 43 and traveled a similar road, although my surgery removed only a quarter of the issue in one breast and my chemo followed the surgery (four positive nodes). This disease evokes so many emotions - God be with you as you heal physically, mentally, and emotionally.
ReplyDeleteHi Erin! Still here and still praying for all you ask and for all He has to bless you with that neither of us could imagine. xxoo ~ Mary Coffee
ReplyDeleteErin, I will continue to pray for you as you go down this path and come around the bend fully recovered physically, emotionally and mentally; your faith has amazed me esp because when I went thru the journey, I sure wasn't as amazing, inspiring or anything other than somewhat crazed.I hope your heart will be comforted as you are eneveloped in G-d's love. I so pray that there will be absolutely no evidence of cancer.
ReplyDelete