I have mixed feelings about keeping this blog going. It was such a huge part of my cancer journey, and I have been extremely blessed by the responses of people who read it.
Before I was healed I mentioned a fear on here that when people stopped supporting me as much I would feel irrelevant. That definitely happened, as it happens to most people who deal with illness. It's a natural part of life--whether or not we want attention, at some time of our life we get it and then notice during those times we don't. It bruises our egos. It has taken awhile to get over this, but I think I have, which is why I can express it better now. I am humbled by being less relevant and more unimportant, and this blog is an extension of that. But I feel like "ending" the blog would be like saying what God did is not important or relevant, either.
Anyway, whenever I pray about closing down the blog, someone inevitably mentions it in a positive way. So I am keeping it going with less frequent entries until further notice.
I am healthy. I decided to wait until next year for further reconstructive surgeries because my body has been taking a long time to heal from each It has been a little over a year since I ended radiation, which was the final part of my treatment. I would say I have physically recovered from all that and have no notable side effects from any of it, besides the actual surgical scars. I consider those my war wounds from the fight for my life.
I am still moved by people with cancer and have several that I'm praying for. It feels like an epidemic and it's a bit overwhelming to try to keep up with everyone's horror stories. But still, every so often in the midst of the storms, we hear good news. It is a tinkle of hope ringing in the distance, and we must search for it's source. It is the only way we will get through the journey.
Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
These are the current things we have going on.
Prayer:
There is a young girl named Anna, and her family, who really needs your prayers. She already beat leukemia once but it's back now. Her family has been through an enormous amount recently, so having this terrible disease come back was icing on the cake. Her mother has to work in Tallahassee, and Anna Grace is at Shands all alone (2.5 hours away). She is so sick only her mother is allowed to visit right now. They need support in every way imaginable. Here is a link to a blog with some information, http://annagracedoran.wordpress.com/2013/08/22/anna-grace-doran/comment-page-1/, and if you want to help with any fundraisers it talks about a pancake breakfast on October 5 and I know a local coffee shop is donating funds during certain hours also. Please, please cover this family with your prayers for total healing, finances and peace. Also for protection from emotional problems that arise from all this.
Great Lessons:
Yaacov is leading a cool teaching on the Parables at 11am at Four Oaks Community Church starting next Sunday. You don't need prior knowledge or anything, just come prepared to learn more about the details of what Jesus was talking about. I'll paste a blurb about it below:
This class will discuss the origins and meanings of the parables of Jesus from a Jewish perspective and the decisions Jesus called his listeners to make pertaining to the gospel and the kingdom of heaven. The class includes an introduction to what a parable is, the context into which Jesus was teaching (including what the Rabbis were teaching during the 2nd Temple period and who the Jews expected the Messiah to be), and a study of 9 parables: 3 parables of warning, 3 parables of the gospel message, and 3 parables of righteousness.
Bible Study Fellowship:
I have been going to Bible Study Fellowship for 5 years, and it's a really great nondenominational Bible study. It is not local, there are weekly meetings all over the world. If you want more specifics shoot me an email and I can fill you in. But this note is because we have two women's groups and not one for the men in Tallahassee. They would like to start a men's group in town, but they need a list of 300 men who are interested in attending. It isn't a commitment to show up, just to say they would consider it. So, if you or someone you know is a man who would consider going to the group if it started up, please send Yaacov or me a message with your name and number for the list. Or put it in a comment beneath this.
Cards for a Cure:
We are really excited for the big Cards for a Cure fundraiser that is coming up on September 28 at the Antique Car Museum. The board is made up of lots of amazing people who have lived through or been touched by, breast cancer. The money raised goes to support the TMH Cancer Center, and this year my story is the one being highlighted. As a promotional tool our family was even featured in Tallahassee Woman's Magazine, which has a watered down version of my story. Lots of non-believers are finding out some truths about what God can do (page 38 http://issuu.com/tallahasseewoman/docs/aug_sept13_online). So, not only would I love to see you all come to the event, I would also appreciate prayers for all the audience to learn about God's miracles and that there is always hope. www.cardsforacuretallahassee.com .
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Surviving
I just saw someone who is dying of cancer. I don't know how much longer she has. I do know she's worn out from fighting, trying, and just surviving. I know she might be content with death at this point, but would probably prefer to be completely healed and have many more healthy, painfree years with her children. I know the longer we fight this disease the less we expect to overcome it. And I know that the longer people see us fighting it, the less it matters to them. The less they pray for miracles and expect them to occur. The more they accept that it's our time to go. And most of all, I know: That Sucks.
These people who struggle for years deserve peace, health, and happiness as much as you do. As much (or as little) as I did. I didn't deserve to be supernaturally healed, I was just chosen for that path. These other people who are still sick could be chosen too. What would happen if God chose them to be healed too, but no one bothered to pray and believe they would be? We fail to pray for miracles when we don't believe they will happen. We profess to believe in Christ but we don't believe He will answer our prayers. So why do we bother praying for anything at all? Some of us are willing to pray that He will bless our finances but not that someone will walk away from her deathbed. We basically are willing to ask for help with things that we could just about do ourselves, but we don't trust in Him to do things we obviously can't control. Instead we believe the lies of the enemy, that there is no hope. What an insult to the Creator of the world that we would pick and choose what to believe He will do! That's not faith in Him, it's faith in ourselves. And none of us is worthy to make such big decisions.
Once a man named Jairus went to see Jesus. He begged Jesus to heal his dying daughter. The girl ended up dying for a bit and Jesus told Jairus, "Do not be afraid; just believe." Then He healed the little girl. Back from the dead. He healed her because Jairus asked and believed Jesus would heal his daughter. The daughter was already dead, she certainly wasn't expecting to be healed. (Mark 5:21-37). Was that girl more special to Jesus than our friends who have cancer today? No.
It's hard but necessary to believe in miracles. To expect them. To respond to the opportunity to pray for such miracles as a blessing, not a chore. I'm not sure exactly why it's so hard or scary, but it is. When I was on my way to see this friend with cancer today I was humbled by the reminder that I haven't been expecting to hear the great news of her miraculous recovery. I thought I should run up to her and boldly tell her I knew she would be healed. That despite all evidence to the contrary, it was going to happen. Maybe I would pray with her right then...
Instead do you know what I did? I said "hi", "bye", and ran off, telling myself I needed to pray more about it before I could really announce that I believed in her healing. You know why? Because it's hard and scary to look at someone who is close to death and tell her she will live after all. Even though that is exactly what I was wishing for when I was so sick. Because even after receiving my own miracle I don't expect to see others. Because she doesn't give the impression of someone who is about to receive one. Oh, right, and because I am a hypocritical jerk.
This is hard stuff, but am supremely blessed in that I have another day to try again. To try to believe that my mustard seed of faith allows me to say to a mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move (Mtw 17:20). We will rejoice together at the amazing things He will do. And eventually every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (Phil 2:10)
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Wasted Life
I discovered an awesome show called "Extreme Weight Loss". I watch it with tears in my eyes throughout. In the last episode I saw (season 3, episode 3) there were many echoes of statements that all people I know who have been blessed with a miracle make.
The overweight man miraculously survived a horrendous car accident. At the hospital, the doctors were stunned and repeated, "We don't even know why you're here". I know those of us who survive have those thoughts too. But I also know the answer. We are hear to proclaim what the Lord has done (Psalm 118:17). That is my new career and I am thrilled to go to work each day.
Later the man was feeling bad about himself and said, "I feel like I'm totally wasting my second chance". We all know what to do about that at this point. Ephesians 4:22-24 says, "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
His personal trainer reported, "He lost his arm but he still has that spark of hope". We have that spark of hope too. Romans 15:13, "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Finally, the trainer in the show told him, "I choose you, Buddy". The trainer was talking about selecting the man to be a client for the show. But it is exactly what God says to us. It isn't because we are worthy. In fact, all are invited to walk with God, but few really go through with it (Mth 22:14). Ephesians 1:4, "Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes." It is so sweet to be chosen for this life, and I know I forget that sometimes. But if the angels can rejoice about it, so can we. And I hope you all do just that.
"In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of God's angels when just one sinner repents." Luke 15:10
The overweight man miraculously survived a horrendous car accident. At the hospital, the doctors were stunned and repeated, "We don't even know why you're here". I know those of us who survive have those thoughts too. But I also know the answer. We are hear to proclaim what the Lord has done (Psalm 118:17). That is my new career and I am thrilled to go to work each day.
Later the man was feeling bad about himself and said, "I feel like I'm totally wasting my second chance". We all know what to do about that at this point. Ephesians 4:22-24 says, "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
His personal trainer reported, "He lost his arm but he still has that spark of hope". We have that spark of hope too. Romans 15:13, "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Finally, the trainer in the show told him, "I choose you, Buddy". The trainer was talking about selecting the man to be a client for the show. But it is exactly what God says to us. It isn't because we are worthy. In fact, all are invited to walk with God, but few really go through with it (Mth 22:14). Ephesians 1:4, "Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes." It is so sweet to be chosen for this life, and I know I forget that sometimes. But if the angels can rejoice about it, so can we. And I hope you all do just that.
"In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of God's angels when just one sinner repents." Luke 15:10
Monday, July 1, 2013
Good and Bad
A week or two ago, I had a very bad day. I have excuses for it, but in the end I was just not being the generous, kind, loving, gentle person God made me to be. I stormed out of the house and took a drive to calm down. I found myself complaining loudly to God about all the annoying things that were going on, and I tried to remark that "this is not what I asked for". I was pulling the "woe is me, my life is unfair" card, I know. Anyway, as I was in mid-sentence, God changed my mind and heart so I announced (still loudly, I'm still me after all) instead, "this IS what I asked for. This is exactly what I asked for." And it was. I always made a point not to glamorize this life I've been given. When I begged for Him to take the cancer away, it was for His glory and so I could continue my work as a mother. I knew that both of those options are generally not highly appreciated tasks and there would be few accolades on earth to go along with them. The daily nonsense I put up with now is all exactly what I wanted and I am doing my best not to forget that.
We went to New Orleans last week. Yaacov had a business trip so the kids and I tagged along. It was the first trip with just the four of us since cancer. There were moments of craziness (all mothers remember what it's like trying to get kids to sleep in hotel rooms...parents have to tiptoe around in the dark starting at 7pm), but a few moments that were so special, I get tears in my eyes just thinking about them. One special time was in the early morning, when Naomi woke us all up and we were too tired to get up (plus, what is a family of four supposed to do at 5:30 am in New Orleans anyway?). I pulled her into bed with Abi and me. Yaacov didn't fit but he was snuggled up in the neighboring bed. We all cuddled and watched cartoons. The girls were warm next to me, and they giggled innocently at all the funny parts. It was a special time, another gift from the Lord. As I zoned out of the cartoon for a moment to thank Him, He reminded me like He had during the bad day: "This is what you asked for."
I am more aware than ever that He gives us good things but still allows bad ones. He wants the best for us. He is for us. For me. For you. Romans 8:31, "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"
We went to New Orleans last week. Yaacov had a business trip so the kids and I tagged along. It was the first trip with just the four of us since cancer. There were moments of craziness (all mothers remember what it's like trying to get kids to sleep in hotel rooms...parents have to tiptoe around in the dark starting at 7pm), but a few moments that were so special, I get tears in my eyes just thinking about them. One special time was in the early morning, when Naomi woke us all up and we were too tired to get up (plus, what is a family of four supposed to do at 5:30 am in New Orleans anyway?). I pulled her into bed with Abi and me. Yaacov didn't fit but he was snuggled up in the neighboring bed. We all cuddled and watched cartoons. The girls were warm next to me, and they giggled innocently at all the funny parts. It was a special time, another gift from the Lord. As I zoned out of the cartoon for a moment to thank Him, He reminded me like He had during the bad day: "This is what you asked for."
I am more aware than ever that He gives us good things but still allows bad ones. He wants the best for us. He is for us. For me. For you. Romans 8:31, "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"
Monday, June 24, 2013
Writing
God renewed my passion for writing about three years ago. I had it when I was little then it died off, as the creative bits of me were replaced with interests of a more scientific and concrete nature. I am sure it was He who rekindled it within me, in preparation for expressing this encounter with evil cancer and death. However, I don't know if it was His original intention for me to pursue writing all along or not. Regardless, I know the novel I wrote a few years back was practice for blogging and whatever writing I will do in the future. Since the cancer journey began I have wanted to write about it, in more detail than this blog, but knew it wasn't the time. But I'm quite sure now is finally the time. Passages and stories from my book (or articles, too early to tell) come to me whenever I'm not focusing on the kids. I'll be driving, exercising, or trying to sleep and really good stuff comes to mind. I rarely am able to write it down before I forget, but I'm trying.
'm going through this blog from the beginning as sort of a starting point for the book. I get anxious before opening each post, afraid I will be embarrassed by what I said back then, or that my heart will hurt so much when I re-live those moments that this time I won't survive. But each time, God carries me through. I am amazed by the way He clearly carried me through the worst days. I am encouraged by the grace He gave me and the love He showed me through all you readers and friends.
So far, these memories have come back from reading through the blog:
--I actually didn't think it could get worse than finding out I had cancer (before we knew it had spread; Acts 1:7, "He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.")
--Suddenly had to wean Naomi and she was so distraught...but she finally took a bottle on Thanksgiving! (Matt 7:7-8 "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”)--The first very sick person I ever saw, who made it all so real. I am still so sad thinking about her. She was young and her mom had to be a strong advocate for her. It was so pathetic and heart-wrenching to hear her mom begging for a bucket for her daughter to throw up in, as the daughter couldn't hold a bag. The pessimistic side of me thinks that young woman has probably passed away by now. I pray for that whole family and wish I had the presence of mind to reach out to them back then. (Matt 17:20 “Jesus told them.”I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.)
--The love, love, love God showed me through all His children. (Proverbs 11:25 from the Message Bible “The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.”)
--It has always been about my not wanting my babies to grow up without me. With His grace, they won't have to. (Mth 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?")
When I first started blogging I was fearful of going public with my innermost thoughts and fears. I hate to be judged and knew I was exposing myself for just that. But being able to be honest on here is what makes it cathartic for me, and is how I bond with you all. I am still amazed by the outpouring of love I have received from it, and am certain that it is the attraction we each have to vulnerability that makes it a success. So, in addition to thanking each of you for reading, praying, and loving on me, I suggest that everyone considers writing down the details of their trials. It might help someone someday, whether it's the writer or the reader.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
'm going through this blog from the beginning as sort of a starting point for the book. I get anxious before opening each post, afraid I will be embarrassed by what I said back then, or that my heart will hurt so much when I re-live those moments that this time I won't survive. But each time, God carries me through. I am amazed by the way He clearly carried me through the worst days. I am encouraged by the grace He gave me and the love He showed me through all you readers and friends.
So far, these memories have come back from reading through the blog:
--I actually didn't think it could get worse than finding out I had cancer (before we knew it had spread; Acts 1:7, "He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.")
--Suddenly had to wean Naomi and she was so distraught...but she finally took a bottle on Thanksgiving! (Matt 7:7-8 "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”)--The first very sick person I ever saw, who made it all so real. I am still so sad thinking about her. She was young and her mom had to be a strong advocate for her. It was so pathetic and heart-wrenching to hear her mom begging for a bucket for her daughter to throw up in, as the daughter couldn't hold a bag. The pessimistic side of me thinks that young woman has probably passed away by now. I pray for that whole family and wish I had the presence of mind to reach out to them back then. (Matt 17:20 “Jesus told them.”I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.)
--The love, love, love God showed me through all His children. (Proverbs 11:25 from the Message Bible “The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.”)
--It has always been about my not wanting my babies to grow up without me. With His grace, they won't have to. (Mth 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?")
When I first started blogging I was fearful of going public with my innermost thoughts and fears. I hate to be judged and knew I was exposing myself for just that. But being able to be honest on here is what makes it cathartic for me, and is how I bond with you all. I am still amazed by the outpouring of love I have received from it, and am certain that it is the attraction we each have to vulnerability that makes it a success. So, in addition to thanking each of you for reading, praying, and loving on me, I suggest that everyone considers writing down the details of their trials. It might help someone someday, whether it's the writer or the reader.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Tests
Got the PET scan results today...no cancer! It's been at least a year since I had any evidence at all of cancer. I knew I was healed of the life-taking disease last Groundhog day (who knew that was a real holiday?!), but there was still a bit of minor cancer in my original tumor. The scan I had around last Memorial day though showed no cancer cells at all. And it's still gone a year later. He did it, He kicked Satan and his disease out of my body and replaced it with healthy, viable cells (Deuteronomy 7:15).
Remember when Dr. Litton, the special expert I saw at MD Anderson, told me I would never be cancer-free for even a day? Me too. That was a lie from the destroyer, meant to blast any hope we had left into tiny shards that would poke at anyone whose path we crossed. But God Almighty turns all things the enemy intends for evil into good. That bad news is now part of my testimony, which I will continue to share at every opportunity. The testimony that cries, "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!" (Revelation 5:13)
Around this time last year I got to share my story when the Ride for Hope gave me their "Hero for Hope" award. It was an honor to share what God did amongst a secular group, and it was really cool to get that award. It is a great group of amazing people and raises funds for the TMH cancer center. That event will be held this weekend and they need volunteers. If you live in Tallahassee and have time, please volunteer! Or if you are a bike rider jump into the race! You can get more info at http://therideforhope.com/
If you are reading this, even if I don't know you personally, thank-you for supporting my family and me through thoughts, prayers and shares. I had a deadly disease that by all accounts could not be cured with medicine. Now it's gone. God did that. Because so many of us asked and believed He would do it. He did it for His glory, so that all would recognize His awesomeness. If you don't see it now, you have your reasons. It doesn't matter what those are, they all boil down to you being closed off to the Holy Spirit. All of us have those moments; for some they last seconds, for others a lifetime. The truth is that we all have a chance to open our hearts and accept Jesus' sacrifice for us. Doing that will take us down a path to spending an eternity with the Lord. But most of us won't go that way. In many ways it's easier not to believe and follow God. But if we don't we will suffer because of that choice forevermore. I pray that this experience God has involved me with will be the catalyst many need to decide to take the narrow path toward the Lord.
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
Remember when Dr. Litton, the special expert I saw at MD Anderson, told me I would never be cancer-free for even a day? Me too. That was a lie from the destroyer, meant to blast any hope we had left into tiny shards that would poke at anyone whose path we crossed. But God Almighty turns all things the enemy intends for evil into good. That bad news is now part of my testimony, which I will continue to share at every opportunity. The testimony that cries, "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!" (Revelation 5:13)
Around this time last year I got to share my story when the Ride for Hope gave me their "Hero for Hope" award. It was an honor to share what God did amongst a secular group, and it was really cool to get that award. It is a great group of amazing people and raises funds for the TMH cancer center. That event will be held this weekend and they need volunteers. If you live in Tallahassee and have time, please volunteer! Or if you are a bike rider jump into the race! You can get more info at http://therideforhope.com/
If you are reading this, even if I don't know you personally, thank-you for supporting my family and me through thoughts, prayers and shares. I had a deadly disease that by all accounts could not be cured with medicine. Now it's gone. God did that. Because so many of us asked and believed He would do it. He did it for His glory, so that all would recognize His awesomeness. If you don't see it now, you have your reasons. It doesn't matter what those are, they all boil down to you being closed off to the Holy Spirit. All of us have those moments; for some they last seconds, for others a lifetime. The truth is that we all have a chance to open our hearts and accept Jesus' sacrifice for us. Doing that will take us down a path to spending an eternity with the Lord. But most of us won't go that way. In many ways it's easier not to believe and follow God. But if we don't we will suffer because of that choice forevermore. I pray that this experience God has involved me with will be the catalyst many need to decide to take the narrow path toward the Lord.
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
Sunday, June 2, 2013
PET scan and Ballet
I had a PET scan on Thursday. Dr. Crooms sent me because it's been a year since my last one. The one last year was the first PET scan I had ever had with no cancer at all. I haven't gotten the results yet but know they will be clear. This will mark one year without any evidence of disease. During the test I had no nerves. I felt like an old pro, I wait for the results without a hint of fear. This confidence comes from God (2 Cor 3:4) and is one of the hugest internal improvements I've had since the start of this journey with cancer.
Abigail has the confidence from the Lord, too. I was reminded of it this weekend at her dance recital. I can look back on the day I was healed as the best news I've ever received, but as for best experiences ever, it pales in comparison to watching Abi do ballet. Her first recital was this time last year and I felt the same both times. Watching her dance with the grace of a five-year-old brings up every emotion I have felt since I had her. Her sweet smile brings me peace and joy. As she gallops across the stage I remember the ups and downs of bringing a child into the world to love, trying to carry her through the difficult times, and seeing her land seamlessly on her feet after all she's endured. All my prayers about her not having to lose her mom were answered and nothing hints that she's had to become wise beyond her years. Instead she exudes love. She shines like the brightest star, not like someone with doubts, who looks over her shoulder for danger, someone who fears taking a deep breath. She poses with the grace of a young lady who is entirely secure and for that I am extremely grateful and motivated. There is nothing more perfect than watching her dance and I know the Lord enjoys seeing His child perform, too. I know that we who struggle with adversity are hurt but not destroyed (2 Cor 4:9), and we should all strive to dance for Him as though we too were happy five-year-olds.
2 Samuel 6:14, "Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the Lord."
God has been so amazing to us...always! He answers prayers, looks out for our best interests, and changes our hearts to line up with those interests. How great and majestic is He? How He loves us better than our earthly fathers! How He aches with us, yearns for us, sees through us. He is the Almighty God, creator of heaven and earth and all good things. He is to be feared not because of what He can do to us but because of His awesomeness! Everyone gets a chance to draw close to Him. Your chance is now.
Abigail has the confidence from the Lord, too. I was reminded of it this weekend at her dance recital. I can look back on the day I was healed as the best news I've ever received, but as for best experiences ever, it pales in comparison to watching Abi do ballet. Her first recital was this time last year and I felt the same both times. Watching her dance with the grace of a five-year-old brings up every emotion I have felt since I had her. Her sweet smile brings me peace and joy. As she gallops across the stage I remember the ups and downs of bringing a child into the world to love, trying to carry her through the difficult times, and seeing her land seamlessly on her feet after all she's endured. All my prayers about her not having to lose her mom were answered and nothing hints that she's had to become wise beyond her years. Instead she exudes love. She shines like the brightest star, not like someone with doubts, who looks over her shoulder for danger, someone who fears taking a deep breath. She poses with the grace of a young lady who is entirely secure and for that I am extremely grateful and motivated. There is nothing more perfect than watching her dance and I know the Lord enjoys seeing His child perform, too. I know that we who struggle with adversity are hurt but not destroyed (2 Cor 4:9), and we should all strive to dance for Him as though we too were happy five-year-olds.
2 Samuel 6:14, "Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the Lord."
God has been so amazing to us...always! He answers prayers, looks out for our best interests, and changes our hearts to line up with those interests. How great and majestic is He? How He loves us better than our earthly fathers! How He aches with us, yearns for us, sees through us. He is the Almighty God, creator of heaven and earth and all good things. He is to be feared not because of what He can do to us but because of His awesomeness! Everyone gets a chance to draw close to Him. Your chance is now.
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