Last Treatment

The time has come! Today is Yaacov’s last chemo treatment. That means it’s time to reminisce and to pray that all the cancer is gone.

I just saw a FB reel of someone leaving his last treatment with a big crowd cheering him on, and I remember how I felt at my own final treatment, so many years ago. I wish I’d thought to organize something cool for Yaacov’s last one, but alas, I did not. I do have something better than a celebration though—I’ll ask for all who read this to please pray that his upcoming scan shows all the cancer is gone!

I’m guessing he will get the scan in about a week, then we will have the results the week after. We know that the chemo was working early on, because there was less shown on that scan and all of the lumps protruding from his body decreased. But, as you know if you’ve been following along, it hadn’t shrunk as much as we had hoped by then. With no other treatment options, the results of the scan will tell us everything the natural world knows about his future. My heart is racing as I think of it.

Fortunately, no matter what that scan says, we are not as affected by things in the natural world as some. Because we serve and trust in the very God who created the world and everything in it. We are confident that He has all control over cancer, scans, and chemo. We pray that it is His will for Yaacov to have many more decades of health on earth, but we not only believe the Lord’s plan is best, but we also really do know that heaven is better than earth. Yaacov just isn’t at the point of begging to be there instead of here, yet.

Anyway, please pray for Yaacov’s physical recovery from all the chemo that has been attacking his body. Pray for wisdom as he navigates the balance between work and rest, and in the choices he makes to regain strength and health. Pray for peace as we wait for scan results, and that we trust in the Lord through it all.

Some trust in chariots and some trust in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7

All the Things

 It's impossible to adequately thank everyone for the amazing love and support we've received from all of you through this "adventure". We never would have expected to be checked in on so consistently, or that so many people would send tangible gifts, along with prayer and offers of help. We are grateful and feel the love of the Lord through His people. 

There have been a lot of ups and downs interspersed with tons of waiting in the last few months. After the last chemo treatment, Yaacov kind of hit a wall and wasn't sure he could do any more at all. He ended up taking leave from work through the end of the summer, as well as taking an extra two weeks between treatments. So, after a full month between treatments, he was feeling great until he went for chemo this morning. 

Yaacov started feeling bad from the tumors back in January, so the past two weeks were the best he's felt all year. By last weekend it seemed like the nightmare was over. We had a few days of peace where everyone felt good, Teddy behaved well, and we all had a lot of fun together. It was beautiful, and the Lord used it to help us be very aware of how blessed we are. If it weren't for the miserable cancer and chemo surrounding all this, we never would have thought to appreciate a seemingly "regular" week together. 

The best news from today is that the extra time between treatments gave his body a chance to catch up, so his bloodwork was finally back to normal. So far it seems like this round is easier on his body because of that, although he was definitely struggling by bedtime.

Dr. Rassam and Yaacov had a good talk today. We were praying for wisdom and clarity for future decisions, and I think the Lord answered! The advice wasn't what we hoped to hear, but at least it's clear. Rassam was gentle and kind, but clarified that this chemo is Yaacov's only chance for a cure. With this type of cancer and circumstances, if he quits now there won't be a chance to redo or finish it later. This was sobering for Yaacov, but also motivated him to push through the rest of the treatments. As of now he's scheduled for three more, and the next is in two weeks. He can always delay it a little if he needs to.

As Christians, we are fully aware that our strength comes from the Lord.* It's not willpower that will get Yaacov to show up for the final three treatments, or to help him recover from each. We know that we can do all things through Christ, and it is He who strengthens us*. This is the most physically broken Yaacov has ever been, yet it's in his weakness Jesus shines brighter*. It's His Spirit in us that gives us all we need*. We rarely choose to live that way, so sometimes the Lord forces it. He did this at my darkest time at MD Anderson 10+ years ago, and He's doing it now with Yaacov. 

If you're the praying type, please cover us for protection, health and peace. We are also praying that our family's suffering will encourage others to find their hope in Him. If you're not the praying type--I will boldly ask that you try it out! The more you know Him, the more you see Him, and the more you want to talk to Him. 

*All these refer to Bible verses that I didn't quote exactly. They are Phil 4:13, 2 Cor 12:9, Ps 28:7, 2 Peter 1:3

At Last, an Update!

I think a lot has happened since the last post. I believe in this time we've had a PET scan and results, as well as the final two harshest treatments. We thought the PET scan went well. Dr. Rassam called it, "beautiful". Yaacov took an extra week off to recover because his white blood count (think of that as his immune system, so "down" is bad, "up" is good) was still down, and he was completely worn out. The week off helped him so much, and by the end of it he seemed to be back to his old self!

Unfortunately, the next time he saw Dr. Rassam he was told the scan results weren't as good as we'd understood them to be, and that it's critical that his job right now is to go through chemo. We consulted with our oncologist-radiologist and they agreed that radiation would only hurt him (too many tumors, and they're right at his heart). So basically this chemo is the only earthly solution to get rid of all the cancer. He can't handle any more of the one he was having, so he just finished the harshest drug cocktail available. For the rest of the summer he will still have chemo every two weeks, but it'll be without the most powerful drug. We are praying this is potent enough to kill it all, but that it's much easier on his body.

Overall, here's a summary of the good news and implications: the cancer is shrinking and he can still have a lot of a good chemo cocktail. The Lord has sustained him and all our family thus far, and Yaacov has hardly had to miss any of the important things going on. Also, between chemo treatments he usually has about a week of improved health. Plus of course, there are several more weeks of potentially cancer-curing treatments left.

Sadly, there is plenty of bad news, and we ask that you'd consider praying for us about all of it. The news that the scan showed the cancer hasn't shrunk as much as we'd hoped is obviously scary, because the goal is to eradicate it all and to keep it from returning. But most significantly on a daily basis, Yaacov is so, so, so, so sick. Even knowing how my own massive cancer treatments went, I had no idea he would ever be this miserable. Each treatment hits him faster, harder, and for longer. Always different stuff. I found him last night shaking with chills, which he hadn't had in months. He's often too weak to walk and has taken many falls. He's in bed for almost the whole first week after each treatment, and the emotional torture all this causes him is excruciating to watch. We really need the Lord's help.

Last night, Naomi had a dance recital. Yaacov couldn't go because his white blood count is back down and he honestly couldn't have even handled the car ride to the auditorium anyway. I couldn't help but remember back to when Abi was 4, and the Lord had miraculously healed me right before her ballet recital. I was still bald and going through chemo, but the the joy and relief was palpable as I got to hold Baby Naomi while watching Abi dance. It was one of the best moments of my life. And now, 10-years later I'm in good health watching Naomi dance her own heart out. 

I know it is the enemy who kept Yaacov from enjoying Naomi's dance last night. What could steal our joy of my own healing like him being terribly sick? I read in 2 Samuel (21:15-16) about King David dealing with a giant. Everyone knows the story of David and Goliath--when David was just a boy he bravely took out a giant with a slingshot. Well, decades later he had to deal with another giant. He was already weary from constant war and this giant threatened David. The Lord didn't have him bring a slingshot to deal this time. Instead a friend came to his aid and attacked the giant. This reminds me how the Lord makes all things new. We can't expect him to always arm us with faith and a slingshot. Sometimes He fights for us in different ways. Please join us in prayer that He fights for Yaacov in new ways, and that we all get to see the Lord's glory in healing Yaacov. 

As I reminisce through the last ten years of dance recitals, I can't stop thinking about the one from 10-years ago, while Abi danced to a Veggie Tales song called, "His Banner over me is Love". A banner in the Bible is a bold proclamation that is indisputable. I pray right now that all who read this know, believe, and act on the truth from that song: "The Lord is mine and I am His, His banner over me is love, His banner over me is love". 

His banner over Yaacov, over me, and over you is LOVE.

Fourth Treatment

 I finally got a second to adjust the title and description of this blog to introduce Yaacov's journey to the world. As I settled down to type, I realized this cancer is not only a normal part of our lives now, but also that it's not ruining us. The Lord is bringing us through it, and we are not mentally broken or destroyed by it.

I won't sugar coat anything, there is no doubt that Yaacov's body is being destroyed moment by moment. He's so weak most of the time, and even at his strongest physical moments doesn't seem like his old self. However, this week's treatment (his fourth dose, I think that makes it the end of his second round?) so far has been a lot easier on him than the last one. It took about 10 days for him to recover last time, and he was the most miserable of all during throughout it. He wasn't sure he could even make it through the next one. But the Lord answered our prayers to be able to worship together at church for Easter, and that he hasn't felt quite as bad.

More good news is that Dr. Rassam spoke with a well-regarded peer in England, and they developed the rest of Yaacov's treatment plan together. The bad news is that it's harder than we hoped. He's going to be in chemo through the summer, which is four more months. He'll have one more month of this terrible chemo cocktail, then hopefully the final three months will be an easier concoction for his body to handle. He'll have a PET scan next week, but we do feel confident that it'll be clear. All his cancer pain is gone and the lumps that were protruding from his skin are all gone. So this course of treatment is intended to fully cure him from cancer and keep it away forever. 

His white blood count is still at zero, which is pretty terrible. It means his immune system can't fight off any germs that he's exposed to. So of course on Friday we got news that Teddy was exposed to COVID. Because, you know, the enemy prowls around like a roaring lion and wants nothing more than to destroy us. But we worship the Lord God Almighty who is bigger than the enemy, bigger than COVID, and bigger than cancer. We just need to remember that during really hard days!

Thanks so much for all the prayers and support! We have been so blessed with help, helpers, provision, and all-around love. I feel sort of guilty that there are so many people suffering more than us, but we are flooded with love in so many ways. But we are still so grateful.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." --Romans 8:18

Health Update

I haven’t been great about posting, but I think most people in our lives get updates separately anyway. That might not be true for long though, because we have to go off the grid. Yaacov has critically low white blood cells (literally ZERO), so keeping him healthy is a matter of life and death. He’s quarantined and for now the rest of us don’t have to stay away from him, but we are going to be extra-diligent and might end up locking ourselves up just in case. 

He had chemo today, which was his third one. He has another in two weeks and then a scan before making decisions. But Dr. Rassam can feel the first tumor shrinking and I think all (or most) of his associated pain is gone! Unfortunately, he feels the worst he’s ever felt today and when he does walk around I stay close in case he needs help. Describing this as “hard” is an understatement.

We do have some good reports and I’m trying to focus on those. You might have heard of some of these recent struggles: our fridge, washing machine, van, and garbage disposal all broke. And then I got a speeding ticket. But, We were able to get a new fridge, then someone BOUGHT us a washing machine!!!! We are still overwhelmed by this. Speechless. In the meantime friends and my mom have done our laundry, and many others offered. Oh, and my van needed a new engine, but Honda Care unexpectedly covered the majority of this cost! People have given us gift cards, too, and others have been bringing us meals. I hardly have to cook at all, and when Yaacov has an appetite he LOVES the variety and fun that comes with other people than me doing the cooking! 

So, we feel like we’re in a war and we are. The enemy loves to prowl around and try to devour the children of God. But we know that all things work together for good for those who are called according to His (God’s) purpose (Romans 8:28). We are definitely called to declare the great news of all The Lord has done, so if these momentary troubles are part of this season, we know He will also strengthen and enable us to continue. 

Overall, there is a lot of bad stuff going on, but we are all amazed by the generosity and encouragement of those around us. We really don’t deserve it but are incredibly grateful. 

Chemo 1

Our hearts are full by all the offers of help, prayer and love! Everyone should go through hardships once in awhile to experience the blessing of loved ones reaching out, it's really encouraging!

The truth is that at the beginning we felt like it was Teddy, not cancer or chemo, that was making this season so hard. If you've missed it, we adopted Teddy a few years ago. He has developmental disabilities and is a really hard kiddo to raise. Although I have tons of experience with kids with disabilities, it's that more than the adoption part of having him that's so hard. He gets tons of therapy, but still the frequency and magnitude of tantrums and whining makes it hard to get through some days. I'm not sharing this to bash him, I just want to be real to remind other parents of kids with special needs that they aren't alone. I think it's hard to relate if all your kids are "normal".

Anyway, after a lot of prayer I'm happy to report that Teddy has been behaving better, and my heart is also responding to him in a more loving manner (which in turn surely helps his behavior!). So, thanks be to God for that massive improvement. The house and car are much more peaceful without someone screaming at us all day.

Unfortunately, Yaacov's response to chemo has not been as positive an experience. He had his first round on Monday, and felt pretty good that day. Even though he started turning yellow in the evening, we weren't too worried. But it's gotten worse each day, and he even had to cancel a class today. He's been very concerned about having to do that, so he didn't take the decision lightly. He's extremely nauseas, has GI issues, is exhausted, and has already lost his sense of taste. I didn't lose my taste until the very end of chemo, and I remember that was the first time I really considered quitting. So for him to lose it so quickly makes me a little nervous. But the Lord is in control of every side effect of this treatment! If you're praying, however, please pray for a total recovery from the current issues, and for peace, health and comfort. I'm also thinking of calling Dr. Rassam today for more help, but I'm not really sure what to ask. The Lord is Yaacov's perfect advocate, so I know if He wants to use me to obtain more help, He will do so!

Highlights of this season so far: 

*Yaacov coming out of anesthesia singing a ballad version of a Snoop song. He slowly covered his lips and whispered, "swear word", to replace inappropriate lyrics. Don't worry, I was able to record it!

*Several people have shared stories of how the Lord always shows up exactly when we need Him. His timing is perfect, and He is faithful to encourage us with such memories.

*I'm learning how awful it is to watch someone suffer, and he is physically suffering much more than ever before. This will help us both with future ministry opportunities, and it's also bringing us closer.

*Anytime we get to go through hard things, we are more aware of the Lord and His presence and promises. He doesn't leave us alone and will never forsake us! "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."--Isaiah 41:10

Yaacov’s Cancer Story

Our lives are a little crazy right now so it seems like a good idea to try to post information on here for those who want to know. Maybe it’ll save me a little time in sharing updates, and help me process a little. 

A few weeks ago was my 10-year healing anniversary. That was a Wednesday. Literally the next day, we learned that Yaacov has cancer.

It was a sudden bombshell, but it has been so chaotic that I don’t have much time to worry or feel sorry for myself. I’d like to say the same for Yaacov, but don’t want to risk that. He’s had a lot more sleepless nights, in too much pain to rest well, with nothing to do but think. 

The basics are that this is Hodgkins Lymphoma, and as of now it’s staged as 2A. At first that was a relief, because the prognosis is so good. However, he has many tumors that are growing quickly. So far he’s had one partially removed, another grow so big it’s interfering with his lung capacity, had 3 CT scans, a PET scan, a bone marrow biopsy, a lung capacity test, and two trips to the ER for heart pain. 

Next week he has a surgery to have his port put in, and he starts chemo Thursday. We were fortunate enough to get in with my original doctors, Dr.’s Crooms and Rassam. 

We have been inundated with love and offers of help, and a ton of people are praying for us. He’s an elder at our church now, and says it’s an honor to suffer along with the other members to give him more empathy and understanding. I doubt it felt like such an honor when they were drilling into his hip to harvest bone marrow yesterday!

We were supposed to have one last amazing family weekend before chemo starts, but Teddy is sick so I have to keep him away from Yaacov. He and the girls are still making great memories, though. 

Stay tuned for more updates, and keep praying to our Great Physician, that He will heal Yaacov and be glorified in his body and our circumstances. If you know us and have questions, please touch base with me before him. He’s quite busy keeping up with work and all these appointments.