Breakthrough!

I'm so excited, I can't sleep until I get this out. And yes, I do consider 9:35 bedtime these days. Anyway, I just had a serious breakthrough about the willing sacrifice issue I blogged about earlier. Such a huge weight has been lifted because I finally get it. ..

It's not about cancer, it's not about me, this is about God. Heb 11:1 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." If I have any faith at all, I will trust Him through this. I will follow Him. Willingly. With joy. No matter what the cost. God is supreme. He is the inventor of all things, and if He thinks it's a good idea for me to go through this stage of cancer at this time of my life, I will go. With glee. He picked me for this job! He knows best.

How arrogant of me to say what is good or bad, what should or shouldn't be! How quickly I forgot all the amazing things He's done for me, and stopped praising Him so I could complain about Him. To think basically that I am smarter than Him and my plan is better than His. How ridiculous and embarrassing.

I thought about editing my last post to account for this breakthrough because it's Christmas and no one probably read it yet anyway. But I want to be real, and I really was being that ungrateful and prideful for the past few weeks. That burden of stupidity is gone now though. I am relieved that I don't have any say in who lives or dies. I don't even have the burden of going through this on my own. I am not trudging alone to the grave, God is carrying me to the place I need to go. Deut 1:31 says "There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." In His arms is exactly where I want and need to be.

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding."