Tuesday, January 10, 2012

More

I'm utterly destroyed. I feel like that woman ripped my heart out, then everyone in the oversized parking garage drove over it. Then instead of returning it all, they laughed and stapled just a segment of the pulverized organ to my ugly bald head and kicked me out the door.
My support system has been great until now, but there's no help for this type of sorrow. God needs to do a serious intervention just to get me through the day. Yaacov too.
That's all.

Psalm 80:4
O Lord, God Almighty. How long will your anger smolder against the prayers of your people? You have fed them with the bread of tears; you have made them drink tears by the bowlful. You have made us a source of contention to our neighbors and our enemies mock us.
Restore us, O God Almighty, make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved.

27 comments:

  1. My name is Laurie Lee and I am acquainted with Yaacov (I work at Just Read, Florida!). Breast cancer has been my enemy as well. I want you to know that I am praying for you and your family, especially today. There are no words, but God understands the groanings of our hearts. I am lifting you before the Lord, just as others lifted me up when I had no strength. I am so sorry you have to go through this - God be with you and Yaacov.

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  2. Erin, although these doctors do not have any bedside manners, remember this fight is not over. Do not let the doctors or this cancer get the best of you. This doctor may not be the right one. God only gives us what we can handle, and obviously he sees your strength and faith in him to give you such a challenging road ahead. We'll keep praying and you keep fighting! This fight is far from over, don't give up or in. Stay strong as you are so loved and not fighting this battle alone!

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  3. Erin, I am so so sorry Dr. Linton forgot that you are one of God's beloved creations and not another patient with Stage 4 cancer. My word for you is not to receive what she said. say it out loud NOW, "I don't receive what she said as from my God, I don't receive this." Pray the Word over yourself, Praise, Thank the Lord, it activates the Word.Ps 107:20 says "I sent my Word to heal and deliver you, Is 53:5"by His stripes I am healed." Ps 139 read it "out loud" over and over and find His Peace that your friends can't give you. Tell Yaacov that we love you and OUR GOD is holding you both in His Precious Hands. "Dear Sweet Father, draw Yaacov and Erin close to you, just gather them in your loving arms and snuggle them close, let them feel your loving arms around them and let them know that you have not left them or forsaken them, but are with them every step of the way. Lord turn eyes upon you as they walk this path. Point lost souls to you Lord. Lord we Praise you even when we don't see your hand at work, we are going to trust your heart. OH LORD THANK YOU THANK YOU in advance for what your going to do in Erin's life, IN JESUS SWEET NAME WE PRAY"
    I love you Erin and know that a host of "prayer warriors" have all of heaven's attention as they are being bombarded with your name. love you

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  4. Hi Erin! I found your prayer request on Kelly's Korner blog and have been praying and thinking about you. I live in Houston and would be honored to come visit you next time you come back. I am sorry you had such a bad experience yesterday. Also, this is the first day we have had any signifigant amount of rain in the last six months. It is definitely hard getting around much less if you are from out of town. Feel free to contact me at any time.
    Kathryn

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  5. Erin. Definately praying for you and your family. No words of mine can make you well, but if they would .. you'd have them in buckets.
    So very sorry the folks at MD were not compassionate at the very least. Guess we should pray for them to not be "jaded" from their daily encounters with people seeking help.
    Sincere prayers and love to you. Jane

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  6. I agree with Ella Weaver. DO NOT accept or confess the words that doctor gave you. God is your doctor and healer and He heals ALL our diseases. I again encourage you to contact my friend Betsy Bilbruck (betz.nola@hotmail.com). She was given a diagnosis of stage IV non-Hodgkins Lymphoma by the doctors and went to MD Anderson where the doctors there told her the same thing you heard from your doctor there. She did not accept or confess that diagnosis and instead confessed her healing and began thanking God for it. She was placed on chemo and for many months, there was no change to her condition. Then one day, she was at Anderson for a scan and the doctors asked her to repeat the procedure - the results came back the same - no cancer, no sign of there ever being cancer, and that was over 10 years ago. God is no respector of persons. What He did for my Christian sister, Betsy, He will do for you. I believe it and you should too. I have never had cancer and I cannot begin to imagine what is going on in your heart and mind at this time. So I don't have any great words that will automatically change things or lift you out of your current yucky situation. But I do know my God and He is a promise keeping, miracle working God and no cancer is too big for Him. And I know He is your God too and He will never leave you or forsake you. He is the God of all comfort and He is with you now with his arms spread out wide to receive you.

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  7. Erin,

    Thank God HE is in charge and not the doctors. Jim was at MDA 32 years ago and sent home with all his records because they could do nothing else. But God had different plans. He knows the plans He has for you,to prosper and not harm,to give you hope and a future. (Jer 29:11) Praying for both of you. ("Mom Amy" is the signature used for my grandson's leukemia page)

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  8. Erin,

    "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him." (2 Chronicles 16:9) We continue to pray that God shows himself strong on your behalf! With many others, Ken and I stand in the gap for you during this time. We offer our prayers of faith for your healing.

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  9. Erin, I would do anything to take this cup from you and do it for you instead. As impossible as it seems right now, please don't get discouraged. Do not accept this disheartening message from Dr. Litton. Do not receive that negative message. God is greater and more merciful and He has an awesome plan for you that contains peace, joy, and wholeness. God is still working, and still present in all this. Nothing has really changed when you think about it. Remember all He has already done for you and your family. Soak yourself in His Word (Prov 4:20-22) I keep Your Word in the midst of my heart, for they are life and healing to all my flesh. I agree with what Ella Weaver and Chris, and others, wrote above. Stand on the Word, pray the scripture over yourself and situation, and stay in faith. Your family and friends will pray for you when you waver and will lift you up as the Israelites lifted Moses' hands during battle. And when needed, remember Jesus' words in Luke, "the faith of your family and friends has healed you". Love, Mom

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  10. Oh Erin, I am so sorry that the trip went as it did. May God, your friends and family lift you up and give you strength and hope again soon. You are so amazing and beautiful, inside and out! We will never give up or stop praying for you in Vermont! Much love to you and your family. XOXO

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  11. Dearest Erin,

    Not only are we interceding on your family's behalf through prayer, but so is the Holy Spirit. You are not groaning alone, dear Sister. May the Lord lift your spirits once again and give you the hope that only HE can provide.

    Romans 8:26-27
    26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

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  12. Erin,
    No words can express the sorrow we feel for what you are going through. Please know that we are all praying for you and that you never leave our thoughts. Do not lose hope for it is always there. Miracles do happen and if anyone deserves one it's you.
    Christine B

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  13. Hi Erin - I got here through Data Driven. I'm so sorry about your experience at MD Anderson - unfortunately my brother in law experienced something very similar when he was there with stage 4 renal cancer. While they are highly intelligent, they lack belief in so many areas. Keep your hope, bask in the prayers, and believe that God can move mountains. Prayers for you and your family.

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  14. Dear Erin and Yaacov,
    I am so sorry for the pain you are both experiencing. I think of our Messiah who puts our tears into His bottle (Psalm 56:8). Jesus loves you both so very much and has a purpose for all of this. I love you both dearly and pray for you both to be comforted....there is HOPE~~~~~Imma

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  15. Pretcher Family,
    You are in our thoughts & prayers. God IS good! God IS merciful! He can move mountains & He can remove your cancer. I pray that His WILL be done & through this, I know your faith, honesty & trust has moved others. You are a light in our community & you are a tool that is glorifying His name. Find comfort in knowing that you are loved & are appreciated by many. And you have been touched & have touched many. MD's around the world, watch out because God, Erin & her crew will WOW you with an amazing miracle! Lots of hugs, the Ekk Family.

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  16. Dear Erin, I read of your devastating experience in Texas and my heart goes out to you and Yacov! As I was praying for you tonight, a thought came to me. I believe The LORD can heal you apart from the intervention of worldly medicine. If He so decides, won't the healong be even more of a testimony since you were given no hope by any of the "learned" specialists? Rest in the LORD and trust His mercy. Only HE knows what will be. STILL praying . . .

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  17. Erin-we are praying! Prayed for you with my Bible study group today and the facilitator talked about how God is bigger than doctors and it's so true. Praying that you feel the Lord's love and comfort. I also know there is no way you could look any way but beautiful. Sending hugs!!
    Love,
    Tiffany Perez

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  18. Erin-I had a Doctor like that too concerning my 5 leg surgeries-she just said negative things to protect herself. To make a long story short, my doctor said I would lose my leg and the osteomyalitas infection would go into remission AT BEST.
    I cried too, but something deep down in my soul felt that she would be mistaken. And yes, the Lord opened up an unforseen opportunity,where another Doctor out of the blue did two more surgeries, which ultimately eradicated the infection from my body COMPLETLY and all I needed was a routine knee replacement which was done successfuly. Even the doctor who did the final work was amazed and bragged all around town about the success. I`m proud of God, because he works this stuff out in ways that many times are way beyond our hopes and expectations. Please continue to have Hope and dont give up, because I know that God certainly will not give up on you.
    As I did for myself and for mom ( your grandma ), prayer helped us and we will certainly continue to pray for you, we love you.
    Uncle Jamison

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  19. “When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD; he brought me into a spacious place. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Psalm 118:5-6 NIV

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  20. This is going to sound absolutely silly given what you are going through, but BIG HUG TO YOU! I am thinking about you and and your family, that your spirits are lifted and that you are comforted. Sylvia

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  21. Erin - I go to Four Oaks and have been following your blog. After reading about your disappointing news in Texas, I listened to the hymn "How Deep the Father's Love For Us" and it just reminded me - God's love for us IS so deep and no amount of bad news can ever diminish that. I often listen to this verison when I need to be reminded of that; it's the last song on the list: http://marshill.com/media/good-friday-music
    Praying for you,
    Kara

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  22. "Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.
    From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee,

    When my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

    For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.

    I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah."
    —Psalm 61:1-4

    Oh Erin, continuing to pray.
    Paula

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  23. Hi Erin,
    I am an old friend of the Petscher brothers. I met you at Menash and Nicole's wedding several years ago. For the past couple of weeks, I have followed your blog and continue to be inspired by your constant strength, courage, and faith. Your story has encouraged me to rebuild a closer relationship with God. After reading about your trip to Houston, my heart literally broke for you. It sounds strange since you don't really know me, but I felt like driving to Florida to deliver a hug. I have my entire family and all of my close friends praying for you, Yaacov, and your beautiful babies. Remain strong and never allow anyone to make you feel defeated because despite their credentials, God is in control.

    I pray that your broken heart heals and that there will be better news coming your way.

    Kristy Greene

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  24. Praying, praying, praying! So excited and hopeful for you, Erin!

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  25. I think you are doing more harm than good by villainizing doctors in order to make a point about God being better. This is at the detriment of other breast cancer patients, who would actually BENEFIT if they worked with their doctors, not against. Yes some doctors do not say what you want to hear, but at the same time they are not trying to sabotage you as some of your commentators are saying. Your doctor went through 4 years of undergraduate schooling, 4 years of medical school, 5+ years of residency training at minimum wage to treat YOU. They devote most of their lives to treating you and other patients, working 50+ hours a week and sacrificing much of their personal lives. Please respect that the next time you post negative comments about your doctors.

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    1. I'm sorry you feel that I'm villainizing my doctors. If you read through my whole story you will get the whole picture, and see how highly I think of them--even though they were honest and told me exactly what I didn't want to hear. This is not a story of my looking for false hope or flattery! In the case described above, Dr. Litton remained distant from me, and the result was that her demeanor lacked empathy. That likely makes her a fabulous researcher, but I am not a faceless, nameless subject (I say this as a researcher myself, I'm not generalizing). Regardless of how she delivered her findings, I would have been devastated, but that is evidence of my zeal for life, not hatred of doctors.

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